Chapter 8

Paul looked around the guestroom one more time before heading downstairs and into the living room. He hoped that the stairs wouldn’t give Monica any trouble. His offer to rearrange the study had been met with strict orders not to put himself out, but that was no more than he expected from her.

Four days at home with Alex had felt more like four weeks and he was ashamed at the fact that he was looking forward to the distraction the angels would provide. It wasn’t that Alex was openly hostile, in fact it was just the opposite. She was polite and agreeable and when he moved to kiss her she no longer turned her head. She also no longer talked.

Gone was the familiar banter and in its place was a cold silence that draped the whole townhouse in gloom. After her one blow-up he had expected that she would open up and tell him everything once she managed to calm down, but she hadn’t. When he had returned to her room that evening she hadn’t even mentioned it. She had asked about Monica, and complimented him on the food, and asked him to bring her laptop up to the bedroom. She hadn’t said one word about the argument, his knowledge about the bombers or anything about what she was thinking or feeling.

That left Paul to go over every word she had spoken, analyzing it for some clue that would give him the answers he needed, and the words that bothered him the most were the ones she had barely whispered. ‘Only by the process of elimination.’ That was what she had replied when he’d told her how much he loved and needed her… how she was his whole world. Just hearing them again in his head was enough to make his stomach revolt.

What did she mean? Who was she comparing herself to? It couldn’t be Monica. She knew that what he’d felt for her had long since been replaced with friendship… if it had ever been real love to begin with. The only other option was Lauren but he couldn’t even wrap his mind around that possibility. Alex had never known her and he had mentioned her only once or twice in passing. Then who? Did she think he had settled for her? Had his words hurt her that deeply? Every time he thought about it he wanted to slap himself. They had just been words to start with, but he had left them hanging there. He had let her dwell on them and build them up to mean something he had never intended, and now he didn’t have the slightest clue how to get through to her.

He was afraid to ask her outright. He knew her stubborn side better than anyone, and he knew that if he brushed her the wrong way now she would do one of two things: push back hard or shut him out completely. Neither seemed like a good outcome at the moment. So, as determined as he was not to let Monica and Andrew fix his mistake, he was still grateful they were coming. Andrew seemed much less angry with him now, and he was in dire need of advice. Monica had still acted a bit distant with him during his last visit, but he was trying to write that off as pain medication and general distress over everything that had happened.

Picking up the last stray file from the coffee table, he moved on to the study. What he really wanted was a cup of coffee… preferably with a shot of something in it, Alex was in the kitchen and he was trying to give her whatever space she needed. He let out a sigh as he sat down behind his desk and stared out the window at the street. With any luck the knots in his stomach would loosen once Monica and Andrew arrived. He could hardly wait.

*****

"How are you doing?" Andrew asked quietly as the taxi made another tight turn as it wound its way through residential DC.

She had been very quiet after the first five minutes of driving, and she turned to him and wasn’t afraid or ashamed to let the pain show in her eyes. "A little sore," was what she said but he could see that it was more.

He wrapped an arm around her shoulders to steady her against the bumps and glared at the back of the driver’s head. "We’re almost there. We’ll get you all settled and then you can take your pain meds."

"I’m glad they don’t live any farther away," she replied and he felt her body flinch.

"Me too. Talked to Paul this morning and he’s got our room all set. I think he even put flowers in there in your honor," he smiled, trying to distract her.

"I told him not to go to any trouble."

"I’m pretty sure he was holding himself back, Monica. If he had his way he probably would have had an elevator installed."

"Did he say how Alex was?" she asked as his chuckle died down.

"She’s doing better. Out of bed most of the time now."

She glanced up at him and he knew that wasn’t the answer to her question.

"I don’t think they’re talking much, angel. He sounded a little upset when I asked about her."

"I don’t know about this, Andrew. I really think we should just go to a hotel or something."

"Monica, if God wanted you in a hotel, don’t you think He would have let us know?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.

"I don’t know. He doesn’t always tell us exactly where to go."

The other eyebrow went up and he stared at her.

"Oh, fine," she said with a slight rolling of her eyes.

"Monica, you don’t have anything to worry about. In fact, I think Alex needs you right now more than she did when you were both trapped."

"Maybe. I just hope that being there doesn’t make things worse."

A light kiss on her forehead erased some of her fears. "You couldn’t make things worse if you tried. Now just close your eyes and try to relax. We’re only a few streets away."

Monica did as he asked with a soft sigh and he smiled when a moment later she had drifted off to sleep. He was going to hate to wake her in the few minutes it would take for them to arrive/ The day had already wiped her out and it was going to take time for her to get her strength back. She was still in a good bit of pain from the incision though she insisted her ribs were feeling a little better each day.

He needn’t have worried about waking her as the rather abrupt halt the driver came to in front of the townhouse took care of that and Andrew had to tighten his hold on her to keep her from flying forward. He shot a glare at the man as he paid him and though it was probably not very angelic, he passed on giving the man a tip. Monica was blinking sleepily as he took her hand to help her inch her way out of the car.

"Lets get you in and settled, sweetheart," He stated as he wrapped his arm around her waist to help support her as they walked up to the porch.

Paul was opening the door before Andrew even had a chance to ring the bell, "Hey you two," He grinned and the older angel didn’t miss the relief that was visible in his friend’s eyes, "Get in here. Honey, you look exhausted," He moved aside to let them in the door, noting the way Monica kept her eyes lowered.

"She fell asleep ever so briefly during our rather wild cab ride," Andrew explained, a trace of annoyance in his voice. He was still holding onto his wife and he looked down at her tenderly, "So I really think a nap is in order."

"Monica! Andrew!" Alex smiled as she came out of the kitchen and joined them, though she kept a slight distance from her husband, "We’re so glad to have you."

Monica looked up and a trace of distress filled her eyes. Yes, Alex was smiling, but she could clearly see the pain and sadness around her friend’s eyes. They would definitely need to talk and soon. Right now though, the little angel was more focused on closing her eyes, "I’m so glad you’re feeling better, Alex," She managed a grin as she leaned a bit heavier into Andrew.

"I am," she replied, though she didn’t miss the pain and tiredness in her friend’s delicate features, "Andrew, get her upstairs. Paul has the guest room all ready for you."

Paul managed to keep his smile in place, though it was an effort. Alex was acting as if they had been sitting here together, anticipating their friends’ arrival and that was certainly not the case. Yes, they had been anticipating it… but not together and not for the reasons that they should, "Can you make it all right, Monica?" He followed them worriedly down the hall, needing to be able to do something, anything for someone.

"Andrew will help me," She replied softly, as she looked up the stairs. Daunting didn’t begin to describe it, but she drew in a breath and proceeded to take them slowly, her husband’s arm never leaving her waist as he helped steady her. She knew that once there had been a time when she would have insisted on doing this alone, but marrying her best friend had changed so many things. She no longer felt quite the need to be so stubborn about things she couldn’t help or the need to hide that walking hurt at the moment. She was convinced she was climbing Mt. Everest and someone had forgotten to give her hiking equipment, but on the same token when she finally reached the top, had she not been so weary, she would have felt completely triumphant.

"You okay?" Andrew could see the tears in her eyes and how she now seemed a little paler then she had before and he felt his heart pounding a bit more loudly.

Monica managed a nod as Paul directed them to their room and she sighed with relief at finally being able to sit down on the bed to catch her breath. Andrew was already pressing a pill into her hand while Paul was handing her a glass of water to take it with.

"You can live up here until you feel stronger," the agent was informing her, hating the way she glanced at him only slightly and he found himself wondering if he had fucked things up even more than he had originally thought. "Your stuff arrived," He forced a grin as he nodded towards the closet, "Oh, and your cat as well."

"Lucy?" She looked up hopefully and as if hearing her name, the little cat leaped gracefully up on the bed and gave the angel a soft headbutt in greeting even as a purr emerged from her.

Andrew smiled as Monica fussed over her pet before he moved to the closet to pull out a nightgown for her, eager to get her resting.

"Getting settled?" Alex had finally reappeared and briefly took a seat on the bed beside of Monica.

"Yes, thank you," She smiled tiredly. She longed to talk to her friend, but with Paul in the room that was not possible, so it would have to wait until later.

Leaning over, Alex gave her the gentlest of hugs as she whispered, "I’m so glad you’re here."

Monica nodded her head, before meeting her eyes with the young agent, "Can we talk later?" Her voice was barely a whisper as she noted that Paul and Andrew were immersed in conversation for the moment.

"Of course," Alex was doing her best to put on a face that showed everything was fine, but she had a feeling the little angel was seeing right through her.

"Okay you two, out," Andrew grinned as he gave Alex a wink, "My wife needs to rest as she has had a big day."

Paul rolled his eyes playfully, though he was wishing Monica was feeling better for a number of reasons, "You just like being able to call her your ‘wife’."

"Yes, there is that as well," Andrew chuckled, laying a hand against Monica’s head.

"You have a nice nap," Alex informed her as she stood up, still a little slow in her movement.

"Let me know what you need, honey," Paul added, bending to kiss the top of her head, not missing the way Monica tensed slightly. He needed to talk to Andrew and soon.

Monica breathed a sigh of relief when their friends departed as she looked up at Andrew, "What we need is a knife to cut the tension, I think."

"I don’t want you worrying about it right now, angel," He scolded gently as he helped her to change into the nightgown, "There will be plenty of time for you to speak with Alex, but right now, I want you resting."

A quirky grin played on her lips, "Yes, sir."

He chuckled softly as he drew back the covers on the bed and held them up while she slowly got herself settled and Lucy nestled up against her almost protectively, "Comfortable?"

"Mmm hmmm," She replied, her eyes already starting to slide shut as she reached for his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze, "I love you."

Andrew smiled as he bent to brush her lips softly, "I love you too, baby. Now sleep. I’ll check on you in a bit." He watched her until he was sure she was sleeping soundly, before he went in search of Paul.

He found his friend in the study and it appeared at first that Paul was working, but on closer inspection, Andrew didn’t think little blue boxes on a sheet of notes really qualified as work, "Where’s Alex?"

"Kitchen," He replied absent mindedly, "Or maybe the better answer is ‘as far away from me as is humanly possible’. Monica all settled?"

"Sound asleep."

"She seems pissed off at me as well."

Andrew hesitated, not sure of how to respond. He didn’t feel it was up to him to tell Paul the things that Monica had told him, the things that Alex had told her, but he could also see his friend was suffering, "I think you would be better off talking to Monica about that, or better yet, Alex."

Paul pushed his chair back from his desk, the sound of the legs against the floor seeming louder than it should, "Well, funny thing about talking, Andrew. Generally, it would require a conversation and my wife hasn’t been all that prone to those lately." Seeing Andrew taking a seat on the edge of the desk, he knew the angel was waiting for him to continue, "She knows everything. She knows that we had a lead and she was highly pissed off when she found out, but since then, she has not said a word, other than what is absolutely necessary. She lost most of her unit in that building; knowing her, she is probably feeling even more guilty than I am that Monica was hurt, though I’m not sure that is possible, and she is doubting my love for her. She even said something about I only loved her due to a ‘process of elimination’. What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

Standing up again, Andrew shoved his hands into his pockets and Paul was quick to pick up on the action. He narrowed his eyes at the angel. Andrew only did that when he was undecided about something.

"Andrew… if you know something… you’ve gotta tell me, buddy. I’m swinging in the wind here! My marriage is falling to hell and I don’t even know why."

"Paul, I really don’t think…"

"Look, I know you don’t want to get in the middle, and I don’t want to put you there, I swear. But please… give me something…"

The angel sighed and sank down into the leather chair. "I haven’t talked to Alex… I only know what Monica’s told me…"

"And?"

Andrew looked up and met Paul’s gaze sharply. "I can tell you the basics, Paul, but you need to talk to Alex, and don’t even think about getting Monica to do your talking for you this time."

He held up his hand and shook his head sadly. "Trust me, I learned my lesson… I’m not gonna say I’m not glad you’re here, but I wouldn’t put Monica in that position again."

"All right. As long as we understand each other." The steel determination in Andrew’s eyes let Paul know that the angel’s protective instincts were on overdrive and if he dared to cross him he’d better be prepared to check himself into the witness protection plan.

"I swear, Andrew. They won’t even know you told me anything. I just need to know what I’m up against so I know where to start," he continued hopelessly as he sat down on the chair across from Andrew.

"Part of the reason I’m telling you this is because I believe that Monica and Alex are completely wrong about what they’re thinking. So wrong that I don’t think you would ever consider it. I hope to God that I’m right."

Paul’s stomach clenched and his hands balled into fists. "What? What is it?"

"What you said to Alex during your fight… about the bedroom…"

Paul closed his eyes and grimaced. "I swear I didn’t mean anything, Andrew…"

"Well that’s not what Alex thinks. Maybe if you’d settled the argument right then, she wouldn’t have thought about it so much…" Andrew didn’t know what caused him to insert that pointed little barb but he couldn’t help it. "She thinks you don’t feel she’s been a good enough wife to you… and that makes her think that you wish she was someone else…"

"Process of elimination… I know… but who? Some random woman I don’t even know?"

"No. Not random. Lauren."

The agent sucked in a quick breath and leaned back as if struck. "I… I thought maybe Monica… but Lauren? It barely crossed my mind… I never… I have never compared them, Andrew. I have never even talked to her about Lauren!"

Andrew’s mouth was pressed into a thin line. "Well apparently Alex has thought about her quite a lot."

"Fuck! That’s what she thinks? She thinks I don’t love her as much as I loved Lauren…" the disbelief and disgust was evident in his voice. Disgust at himself. If she felt that way then obviously he hadn’t said enough to convince her otherwise.

"I told you that I didn’t believe it, Paul, but apparently she even thinks that Monica is a reminder of Lauren… because she looks so much like her…"

Paul leaned forward and let his head fall into his hands. "That’s why Monica won’t look at me. She’s not just pissed, she’s trying to help Alex."

"Unfortunately, yes. I tried to convince her that Alex was just dwelling on something that she’s kept hidden all this time, but you know Monica…"

"Yeah… she’d do just about anything for someone she loves…"

If possible, Andrew’s expression grew even darker. "It’s a little bit more than that, Paul.

Right now she isn’t sure if the main reason you’re so attached to her isn’t because you see Lauren when you look at her."

"What? No! Damnit! Of course not! Andrew… tell me that you don’t believe that."

"I don’t. I can tell how much she means to you and I know that it has nothing to do with who she resembles. I’m just laying all the cards on the table here, Paul. But I’m telling you that you’d better start picking them up and dealing with them. Hiding here in your office isn’t going to fix things."

He let out a long breath as he calmed himself down. "I know that… but I don’t know how to talk to her either… God… I had no idea… I can’t believe I let it get to this. I can’t believe she never told me she felt that way."

"I don’t think she wanted to think about it herself… but this fight just brought the feelings to the surface."

There were tears in Paul’s eyes when he looked at the angel. "She is my whole life, Andrew. I never thought I would ever…" He swallowed hard and shook his head. "And she thinks…" He rubbed the bridge of his nose and squeezed his eyes shut.

"Look… I’m going to go check on Monica and leave you alone. Just don’t shut yourself in here for too long."

Paul looked up as Andrew rose to his feet. "Thanks buddy. I owe you one…"

"You don’t owe me anything… Alex, on the other hand…" He left the sentence hanging there and quietly left the room, closing the door on his way out.

Andrew immediately ascended the stairs once more. He had hated leaving Monica alone at all, but he knew that Paul needed to talk; he had seen it in the agent’s eyes. He only hoped that now that Paul knew the truth he would act on it in a timely manner before the gap between he and Alex grew wider.

As he sat down carefully on the bed next to Monica, he was struck by just how delicate a balance marriage could be. Though he and the little angel had barely been married a month, he had already felt changes within himself. He could never have imagined feeling any more protective of her than he had been for years, but now, it was almost a possessiveness he now felt. If anyone were to hurt her, he would prefer to throw punches now and ask questions later. It wasn’t something he was necessarily proud of, but the fact that he had thrown Paul up against the wall at the hospital told him it was the truth.

But yet, as an angel, he was watching the way Paul had so far handled this situation and he found himself shaking his head. He knew that he was not above hurting Monica as he had done it before, but to allow the hurt to fester, to walk away when he knew he was wrong, that was what he was having trouble comprehending.

Gazing down at his sleeping wife, he ran a hand tenderly over her head. She was such a delicate creature, yet at the same time, strong and even more strong willed. She was a lot like Alex in that respect and he mused that was the reason the two of them got along so well. He had always taken great care not to hurt her, but even with that priority, it had still happened in the past. But given his now almost blinding protectiveness of her, he could never imagine hurting her and then allowing her to walk away still feeling that pain. However, Andrew also knew that it was not out of the question that it could one day happen, despite the fact that he couldn’t fathom her ever making him that angry. He was one who often made himself angry out of fear for her.

Leaning down, he kissed her cheek softly, "Angel," He whispered, fairly certain she could not hear him, "If I ever hurt you, please know that I am already sorry."

*****

"Hungry?" Alex asked as she poked her head in Monica’s door some time later that afternoon. The angel was just opening her eyes and Alex noted how she seemed to be looking around for someone, "Andrew came downstairs just a few minutes ago and told me he thought you’d be waking up soon. Sooo, I fixed you a late lunch."

Monica struggled to sit up, wincing slightly at the pain the action caused as Alex set the tray down on the nightstand and moved to help her, "Thank you. For the assistance and for lunch," She really wasn’t feeling all that hungry. She felt more tired than anything, but she also knew eating was going to help her get her strength back, so she was determined to do so.

She finally caught her breath and motioned for Alex to sit down, "I want to know what has been going on between you and Paul." As soon as the words were said, Monica noticed the way Alex’s hands worked nervously.

"You’re starting to sound like me, Monica. No sense messing around when you can cut right to the chase."

"I’ve learned from the best," She replied gently, and then waited for her question to be answered.

Alex let out a deep breath, "Nothing is going on between us. We’re…not really talking."

"It’s rather difficult to fix things when you aren’t talking, isn’t it?" Monica countered softly, reaching over to take her friend’s hand.

"I don’t have anything to say, Monica. What is there to say?"

"Paul can’t reassure you of anything if you aren’t willing to listen," Her own words struck her as ironic as she had been doing the same thing to Paul by shutting him out, but she pushed those thoughts aside.

"I don’t want him lying to me to make me feel better. The way he feels is bad enough and add to that the fact that he knew something was going to go down that day…"

Monica’s face paled slightly at Alex’s words, "He…He knew?"

Alex wanted to kick herself for ever having said it as it was painfully obvious that Monica hadn’t had any idea, but it was too late to back out now. "His unit had been tracking some men… they were suspicious of them and had apparently uncovered enough to know that something could happen."

She looked away for a moment, her emotions in turmoil. Paul had left Alex in that building, but she was sure that must have been just because he had been upset with her. But he had also encouraged her to go in to meet up with Alex. That hurt, but once again, she pushed it aside, "He couldn’t have known, not really. He never would have left you in there, Alex."

"I know that, but it doesn’t change how he feels about me. I know he loves me, but not like he loved Lauren…not enough."

"I don’t believe that," Monica was shaking her head, "I’ve seen the way he looks at you. I see the way he is suffering now. He’s desperate to make things right, Alex, but you have to open up to him first. I’m having trouble believing he is comparing you to Lauren at all."

Alex was quiet for a moment and she felt Monica squeeze her hand. When she finally looked up, there was a haunted look in her blue eyes, "But what if I’m not wrong?"

Monica pondered that for a moment, and only for a moment, "Lauren is dead, Alex. If on the slim chance you are right, don’t you love Paul enough to work it out with him? If he is still in some small way, grieving for Lauren, isn’t your marriage worth helping him through it? He married you, Alex and not because you were some consolation prize. Paul isn’t that shallow and he doesn’t take his commitment to you lightly. Give him a chance to show you that."

The agent allowed the tears she had been holding back to fall as she spoke around the lump in her throat, "I love him so much, Monica. After so many horrible relationships, I believed another one is what I deserved but I didn’t get that with Paul…"

"You are more than worthy of his love," The angel whispered softly to her friend, before a small smile crossed her face, "Bad relationships aren’t a disease, Alex. He can’t catch it and suddenly change who he is." Alex had spoken nearly the same words to her in the barn a few short months ago when she had been the one doubting, "Yes, Paul loved Lauren and he lost her. Then he found you and fell in love. Don’t lose each other, Alex over a few words spoken in anger. Talk to him. Please?"

Alex wiped at her eyes, ineffectively, "You’ve given me a lot to think about, Monica. I can’t promise anymore than that yet."

"You know I’m here for you," Monica pleaded, desperately wanting to fix this, for Paul, for Alex, to alleviate her own guilt.

"Thank you for that," Alex squeezed her hand tightly before she stood up, "I think I need a little time to think."

Monica nodded her head sadly as she watched her friend depart, knowing that now all she could do was pray that something she’d said had made an impact.

Chapter 9

Alex walked slowly down the hall to her bedroom and closed the door as soon as she was inside, leaning against it and letting her tears burst free. She wanted to believe every word that Monica had said, but right now it seemed that all she could believe was her own doubts. She had been pushing Paul away for almost a week. How was she supposed to suddenly open up to him now? How was she supposed to tell him all about the fears that she didn't even like to admit that she had?

She curled up on the bed and pulled the quilt up to her shoulders, using it as a convenient barrier against the world. Sniffling, she let out a long sigh as she thought about the fact that she had practically turned into another person since her fight with Paul and the bombing. She had never let anyone or anything push her down. She had always been the one to get in the last blow, to go out with her head up, even when her heart was aching. This time it was different. She hadn't just opened her heart to Paul, she had given it to him, and now she was petrified that if she said anything at all, he would just throw up his hands at the whole situation and give it back to her. But would that really be worse than living in fear?

Slowly she shook her head. Deep in her heart she knew that wouldn't happen. Paul did love her, and no matter what else was in their way she knew that was true. If he admitted that Lauren still held the biggest part of his heart then she would fight for it. She had never given up on anything in her life, and she wasn't about to start.

*****

"Angel? Are you all right?" Andrew opened the door slowly and saw that Monica was propped up in bed with her eyes closed.

"I’m fine," she said softly.

"You don’t look fine. How did your talk with Alex go? I see the lunch she brought you and you haven’t touched it…"

"I guess it went as well as I could have hoped for. She just needs a little time to think things through."

Andrew suddenly found the floor very fascinating.

"Andrew?" she instantly picked up on his body language and he reflected that he really needed to be less obvious about what he was thinking.

"She might not have that much time to think. I talked to Paul."

"You did? And he’s going to talk to her?"

"I think so… but that isn’t all…"

"It isn’t?"

"No." Andrew sat down on the edge of the bed. "I told him about what Alex said to you… about what she thinks… about what you’ve both been thinking."

"You told him all that?" she looked at him incredulously.

"I’m sorry, baby, but I really think it’s what I had to do. He was just tearing himself up trying to think of some reason why she was still so upset, and I honestly don’t know if he ever would have come up with that one."

Monica’s face held a trace of disappointment, but no resentment. "I… I guess I never told you not to tell him," she said with a shrug.

Reaching forward, he took her hand in his gently. "I know you didn’t, but I still should have asked you. I didn’t mean to betray your confidence."

He looked so repentant that Monica immediately shook her head and pulled him closer. She knew that he would never hurt her on purpose. It was the furthest thing from his mind.

"It’s all right. You were right to tell him. Maybe now that he’s armed with the facts about what she’s thinking it will give him the confidence to approach her about it."

The relief washed over him in a palpable wave. Until that instant he hadn’t realized how nervous he was about telling her the details of his conversation with Paul.

"At least you should be happy to know that I was right about the way he feels about Alex, baby. The idea that she might think he compared her to Lauren had barely crossed his mind, and it couldn’t be further from the truth. He was practically frantic when I told him that’s what she thought."

Monica let out a long sigh of relief. "I wanted you to be right," she said with a grin.

*****

Paul wandered into the kitchen and was surprised to see that Andrew was the only one there. His puzzled expression obviously showed, because the angel motioned upwards with one hand as he took a sip of coffee.

"Alex went upstairs to bring Monica some lunch. I think she really just wanted to talk to her. Now she’s in your bedroom."

Nodding, Paul sat down after pouring himself a cup of the strong liquid. "You talked to Monica? Do you know what she and Alex talked about?"

"Yes, I talked to Monica, but I didn’t ask about Alex. I know that Monica was as truthful as she knows how to be. She loves you both. The last thing she wants is for either one of you to be in pain."

"Well, to hell with me," Paul said with disgust. "They are the ones I’m concerned with." He took a long drink and grimaced as he burnt his tongue. "I need to talk to both of them."

Andrew watched Paul’s Adam’s apple bob nervously in his throat. "I guess you were paying attention to what I said?"

"Oh yeah. And you were right. As usual. I can’t just sit around waiting for this to fix itself. Alex is the one who’s hurting. That means I’m the one who has to break the ice, even if it means dodging a few punches."

"I’m glad you’ve realized that."

"Well I’d probably still be in there scribbling on that notepad if you hadn’t stopped in. Thanks," Paul said gratefully.

"Well I’m a little bit like Monica that way… I don’t want either of you hurt any more than she does."

"Thanks, buddy," Paul said with a grin. "That’s good to know."

Ten minutes passed and Paul was on his second cup of coffee, with his eyes going constantly to the hallway and the stairs. Andrew finally took pity on him.

"I told Monica that I’d talked to you," he said. "I think she’d like to talk to you herself though."

"You told her? I figured that was all top secret."

"Well, that’s what I thought too, but I can’t keep things from her. I was worried that she would be upset with me, but that wasn’t a good enough excuse to not tell her about it, and thankfully she understood."

"And you told her that it wasn’t true?"

"Yes. Well, I told her you didn’t compare Alex to Lauren. I figured that it was up to you to broach the subject about how you feel about her."

Paul made a face, but he knew Andrew was right. He hadn’t meant for things to go so far, but they had, and now it was up to him to clean them up. He stood up and glanced at the stairs again and then back at the angel. "Wish me luck."

The agent thought that he would take the stairs two at a time, but when he was actually faced with the prospect of confronting his wife and making her tell him about what he already knew was bothering her, he suddenly felt a bit less eager and a lot more hesitant. He walked up slowly and went to Monica’s room, half-expecting to find Alex there as well.

"Knock, knock," he called out as he opened the door.

"Come in," Monica replied, sounding only a bit sleepy.

The angel met his gaze for an instant before turning away and Paul was instantly discouraged. "I’m sorry, Monica. I thought Alex might be in here."

"No… I think she’s in your bedroom." The angel wasn’t sure if Alex had been given enough time to herself yet, and she decided to stall. "She looked a little worn out when she left. She might be taking a nap."

Paul’s expression turned to one of slight disappointment. "Yeah… she hasn’t been sleeping very well lately," he remarked.

"A lot’s happened," Monica said sadly.

"Yeah… too much," Paul agreed as he turned to leave the room and let Monica get some rest. He was about to close the door when he changed his mind and went back inside, crossing immediately to the angel’s bed and sitting down in the chair next to it.

"Paul?" Monica looked a little confused.

"Monica, I hadn’t planned to do this right now, but I think I need to."

"Do what?" the angel was instantly nervous.

"Clear the air between us."

"Paul… there’s nothing."

"C’mon, Monica… angel’s aren’t supposed to lie… not even little white ones." Monica let her gaze shift to her lap as the agent cut off her denial. "I can tell that something has been bothering you. It’s been bothering you ever since the bombing, and now I know what it is and I think we need to talk about it."

Monica fell completely silent and she wasn’t even completely sure as to why, but in retrospect, deep in her heart she knew. She accepted the fact that Paul had sent her up there that day to fix his mistakes with Alex and that was the reason she was hurt now. Honestly, she wasn’t sorry things had turned out that way as if Paul hadn’t done that, Alex would have been left up there alone. But this new information that Paul had known that something could happen was still settling in with her heart.

Alex aside, she had always looked to Paul as one of her protectors, though Andrew held the main role in that title. Monica had always trusted that Paul would never lead her into anything bad and she had grown comfortable in his need to look out for her. But last week, from what Alex had said, he had known that something could happen. A lead. Men he was suspicious of and regardless of his job, he had not warned her, had not warned Alex. She was no longer sure she understood an agency that could keep such important secrets from people they were supposed to love.

Paul had been watching her closely and seeing that she had no intention of saying anything, he knew he had just better plunge ahead, "Andrew told me what Alex thinks and she’s wrong, Monica. I have never once compared her to Lauren. The thought never crossed my mind, I swear. What I said that day was in anger and it held not one fraction of truth. I love my wife, honey, with everything in me."

"That’s good to know," She whispered, still studying the quilt that covered her, "Perhaps you should share that bit of information with Alex."

"I plan on it, but first I need to share a bit of information with you, Monica," He desperately wished she would look at him but she seemed determined not to at the moment and he had no right to push her. "When I first met you in that police station that night Josh Kelly was killed, yes, my first thought was that you looked a lot like Lauren. But after talking to you for five minutes, I forgot all about that and started to like the individual that you are. I do not look at you and see Lauren. Monica, I look at you like a kid sister and as my friend; a wonderful friend who has given me most of what I have that is good in my life," He was ready to beg her to believe him, but her expression was becoming even more distressed and he couldn’t begin to understand why. "Do you believe me?"

"Of course I do," Monica finally looked up at him, but the look in her eyes did little to calm him, nor did the words that followed, "You should be in with your wife, Paul. Not here with me."

He shook his head, as if trying to make his brain register on what he was missing in this conversation. She said she believed him but yet she was still so distant, so sad, "Sweetheart, what is it?"

"Nothing…go fix things with Alex, Paul…"

He rose to his feet, suddenly feeling a bit shaky. He felt as if he was hitting brick walls no matter which way he turned and his frustration was mounting, "You know, everyone is pissed off at me, I understand that. But yet no one wants to level with me. I have to find out from Andrew what is going on with my wife, with you and if you two won’t fill me in how the hell am I supposed to fix anything?"

She looked at him through tear filled eyes as she replied with hurt in her voice, "Some things you just can’t fix." Dozens of people were dead and he had known. The thought refused to leave her mind or her heart.

"Damnit, Monica, you aren’t playing fair!"

The rise in his volume was enough to bring Andrew up the stairs, and a second later, Paul was facing those steely green eyes and seeing anger in them once again. He was in no mood to get into a pissing match with the angel, so he simply shook his head and turned and walked out of the room.

Andrew looked over at his wife as she blinked and her tears spilled over. He was at her side an instant later and had wrapped her up ever so gently in his arms. Soft sobs were escaping her, each followed by a sharp intake of air at the pain each one caused her, "Shhh…baby, you need to calm down. This isn’t good for you right now, angel," He was desperate to know what had happened and though he was angry with Paul once more, a nagging feeling in his heart was telling him that the agent hadn’t said something to upset her. He stroked her hair and her back, waiting for her to calm.

"I…I don’t understand…" Monica whispered finally, her voice still trembling, "Alex told me he knew…he knew something was going to happen, but he never told her. He left her in there…he sent me up…all those people, Andrew…I saw Adam take some Home…"

Slowly, he began to piece together the situation as he held her a bit tighter. He had a feeling part of this was just her residual fear from those hours of being inside the FBI building, but another part of it was something much more, "I don’t think he knew any specifics, angel. His unit was tracking some suspicious activity but they didn’t have any firm evidence."

"I guess he has that evidence now," She countered, another small sob escaping, "I thought his job was to protect people, but he left his wife up there. You wouldn’t have done that…even if you had been mad at me…you wouldn’t have done that."

Though being "mad" at her was something he could barely imagine, he answered honestly, "No, baby. I wouldn’t have wanted you out of my sight. But you have to look at things through Paul’s eyes as well. He couldn’t alarm an entire city based on a suspicion. Nothing could have happened just as easily as something happened."

"Not an entire city, Andrew…Alex. He could have told her…he could have stayed with her. What good is honesty with each other if you can’t share the fact that lives could be in danger, especially with your wife who could also be in danger?" She was trying to wrap her mind around it, as she was still working out the dynamics of marriage for them. But she understood that what she shared with Andrew was pure honesty; an honesty that went beyond anything she had ever known. For better or for worse, she was willing to share everything with him and she knew the same was true for her husband. So a secret, for any reason, that had cost lives, that had endangered Alex was completely foreign to her.

"I don’t know, Monica," He answered truthfully. He couldn’t blame her for being upset. Hell, he had thrown Paul against a wall when he had found out. He didn’t want to see her relationship with the agent suffer as if that happened, she would suffer as well, "Angel, you have to find it in your heart to forgive him for this. If you can’t, then how can you expect Alex to?"

"Because he’s her husband," She whispered with a small sigh, "I would forgive you anything, Andrew, anything at all."

His heart skipped a beat at her words. Even in a moment where her heart was so heavy and her body so weary, she found a way to touch him. Tilting her chin, he kissed her lips softly, "I love you so incredibly much, Monica. I’d have never thought it possible but with each new day, I love you even more."

Nestling her head against him once more, she slipped her hand beneath his shirt, running her palm over his tight stomach, before stilling her movement and closing her eyes. She loved of the feel of his skin against her touch, loved the warmth that was all he was, "I love you too…I’ve always loved you, Andrew. You stole my heart long before I had ever realized it. Will you stay with me?"

"Not going anywhere," He assured her, around the tightness in his throat. No, that was definitely true…no matter what they may face in their future together, she was his entire world, and he would always be there.

Chapter 10

As Paul walked down the hallway to his room he wondered if Alex had heard him. The last thing he needed was to have her upset at him before he even walked through the door. Thankfully, when he stepped into the room he saw her sitting in the window seat, lost in a world of her own. Her dark hair flowed down her back in a wave and he stopped dead in the doorway as he remembered a time when it had all been cut short. That had been before they’d even started dating but he’d already had feelings for her.

Now, looking at her he wondered how he had ever let an idiotic fight get between them and how he had never realized what she thought about Lauren. She was so strong and confident he had never even considered that she had any insecurities at all, much less ones revolving around a woman she had never known. He blamed himself. Back when they had been dating she had been very open about her past relationships but he had always shied away from the topic. Obviously it was something he should have put right out on the table.

"Alex?" he started off a bit hesitantly. "Baby, I think maybe we should sit down and have a little talk."

She turned to him and tried to remember everything she had just talked to Monica about. She had to talk to him. She had to fight for him if that’s what it took. But when she looked up into his serious eyes she felt the knot in her stomach grow tighter.

"I’m kind of tired," she tried to beg off. "Maybe later?"

"Maybe right now," he insisted as he reached for her hand and sat down on the other end of the window seat. "You’ve always had nerves of steel, but I can’t take it anymore. I can’t take looking at you and feeling like you’re not even seeing me and sleeping next to you and feeling like we’re not even in the same room."

"Paul…"

"No. Don’t pull away from me like that. I know you’re upset. I know you’re angry. So let’s get it out. Scream your guts out at me. I probably deserve every word." What he really wanted to do was pull her close and make her forget that she had ever doubted how much or how deeply he loved her, but he wanted her to be the one to start things off. He didn’t want to admit that it had taken two angels to point him in the right direction.

Alex let out a long, tired sigh and shook her head as she pulled her hand back and buried it under the blanket that covered her legs. "You knew about the terrorists, Paul. You knew and you didn’t tell me. Maybe that’s just part of the job to you, but it’s gonna take me a little longer to get over it." She knew she was going the easy way by acting as if that was why she was still acting so distant, but she felt like she needed to work her way up to the real problem.

"I know. I know, and you’re right. I swear I had no idea that anything was on the horizon, but I should have told you anyway, and I shouldn’t have left you like I did." Now that he knew the truth, Paul was having a hard time not blurting out answers to accusations she hadn’t even made. If this was the way she wanted to play it then he would go along with it for now.

"Our fight…" she paused and they both looked at each other.

"Alex, I didn’t mean what I said. I was worried about you. I overreacted and I said things that I can’t even believe now."

Giving a shrug she looked away. This was much harder than she thought it would be. She thought she would be able to just yell at him and get angry, but instead all she felt was sad.

"You believe me, don’t you? Or is there something else?" he prodded gently.

"No," she mentally slapped herself for her own cowardice. "Nothing else."

Mouth set in a line he reached forward and turned her head towards him. "Then why won’t you look at me?"

"I told you. It’s just going to take some time."

"Time? How much time? How much do I have to beg for your forgiveness? I’ll do it, but I’d like to have some sort of estimate to go by." There was bitterness to his words that he immediately regretted but he was having a hard time not forcing her to come clean to him.

"I don’t know, okay?" she shot back. "If it’s that hard for you to wait then maybe you should go out and find another replacement!"

"Alex, what the fuck are you talking about?" and at that moment, seeing the look on her face; even though he already knew what she was thinking it still struck him like a blow to the gut. Everything Andrew and Monica had said was the truth. Alex really did feel second best.

"Exactly what I said. I don’t say things I don’t mean, and I know you don’t either." She bit the inside of her cheek to keep her hot tears in check. This was no time for crying. She was supposed to be discussing this rationally and instead she was almost shouting at him.

"You’re talking about our fight, but Alex…"

"No! You said I wasn’t a good wife to you, and you meant it. Somewhere in your heart you meant it."

"That may be what you heard but I never said that. I never even thought it."

"So you never look at me and wish I was someone else? You never roll over in bed and open your eyes hoping to see her?" She stood up and walked away. She needed distance. She couldn’t let him see her face.

"Who? Who do you think I’m comparing you to? Go on! Say it!" Paul couldn’t understand why his words were coming out so harshly. Maybe it was the stress and the frustration, or maybe it was resentment over having his love doubted.

"You know damn well who! At least with Monica you had her look-alike. I can’t even offer you that!"

"Lauren! Her name was Lauren, and you’re right. You can’t!" Paul was on his feet and wheeling her around to face him. "And I never asked you to! Where is this coming from? Why can’t you believe that I love you?"

She let out a little sob and brushed at her eyes. "I can believe it… I just can’t believe that you love me as much as I love you. And I want you to. I want to make you love me… I want to fight for that… I thought that I could… but right now, I just don’t feel strong enough to fight anything… much less a ghost."

She broke free and quickly fled from the room, leaving Paul standing there with his arms still outstretched. He wanted to run after her, but his strength suddenly seemed to abandon him as well.

*****

Alex’s feet had just hit the last step when the doorbell rang and she cursed under her breath. She was in no mood for visitors. Not that it would be anyone from her unit as they were all dead. The bitter thought took her by surprise, but she wiped at her eyes once more, the action causing her mask to fall into place before she opened the door.

"Rob," She was surprised to see him there, but judging by the look on his face, she could tell this wasn’t a social call. He had been to see her several times in the hospital and twice since she had been home and he had been cheerful and optimistic. But his eyes alone told her that this was a business call.

"Hi Lexie," He replied as she moved aside to allow him to enter. Dropping a kiss on her cheek, he continued, "How are you feeling?"

Depressed, hopeless and miserable were the words she wanted to say. She wanted to fall into his arms and tell him that her marriage was going to hell, but instead she smiled, "Much better actually, but I’m getting the feeling that you didn’t come the whole way out here to inquire about my health."

"I wish I had," Rob sighed softly, but he decided to cut right to the chase, "We got a lead at the Post today. We found out that the FBI had information regarding the attacks before they happened."

Alex paled slightly at his words. What he had said meant nothing short of the agency having itself splattered all over the front page by morning. The FBI and the CIA had already captured that spot in the last week, with the great loss of life that had occurred that day, but this would cast them in an entirely different light. People had lost loved ones and an agency that could have possibly prevented it would be the scapegoat for all that grief and anger.

"Tell me my source is wrong, Alex," He was looking at her pleadingly. This was his job, but this time he would rather it not be. His sister and brother in law had already been victims in the terrorist attacks and he didn’t want them victimized any further.

She wanted to lie and deny all knowledge. As upset as she was with Paul, she didn’t want his unit taking the brunt of all this as it would be difficult to recover from. Her husband was chief and she didn’t want him taking the blame or any repercussions that could come with it, "Yeah, the agency had some information. Nothing solid and nothing that would have led us to believe that something of this magnitude could have happened, Rob. We were watching some men, that was all."

Rob lowered his head on a sigh, "But those men killed a few hundred people, Lex, you know that…"

"Of course I know that," She replied shakily. She couldn’t do this right now. She felt as if her entire life was falling apart. Her friends and collegues were dead, her husband was still in love with his dead fiancee and now the agency she worked for and believed in would soon be part of the biggest scandal since Watergate. This was by far the worst moment of her life thus far, making all those failed relationships in college look like a fucking picnic. Even when Devin Jackson had poisoned her she hadn’t felt this bad. At least then she had believed that Paul loved her and if she lived, she would soon be entering into "happily ever after". Now she knew that was just a farce.

By now, Rob was pacing in the foyer, his expression desperate, "What the hell am I supposed to do, Alex?"

"What you always do, Rob," She said softly, pain flickering in her ice blue eyes, "Print the truth. Tell them the FBI knew that there was a risk. Tell them we knew."

"No," Paul’s strong voice caused them both to look up as he came down the stairs. He looked at his wife briefly, the fact that she had been trying to protect him had caused some hope to sprout in his heart, but he couldn’t think about that as much as he wanted to right now, "There is no ‘we’, Rob. My unit knew and we were the only ones who did."

"Damn it, Paul!" The younger man exploded, running a hand through his chestnut hair, "Do you realize the position this puts me in?"

"It puts you in the position to tell the truth," Paul replied calmly, "Come on in and sit down. Now that you have the lead, let me tell you exactly what it was we had."

"There’s no need to mention names," Alex protested weakly, her heart breaking.

"Yes, there is," He replied sternly, "The families of the victims don’t deserve any doubt about whether or not their loved ones knew anything."

Rob had already made his way into the living room and Alex dropped her voice, "Do you know what this could do to your career?"

His eyes blazed briefly as he looked at her, "Of course I do, but I don’t give a fuck about my career. What I give a fuck about is my marriage-."

"What are you insinuating?" Her eyes burned with tears, "First you cared so much you gave up Witness Protection and now this? All the while I look like the bitch who volunteers for dangerous assignments to you. Are you playing the noble martyr once more?"

He threw up his hands in frustration, "This has nothing to do with that and you know it. There is no pleasing you right now! You want to talk to me about suffering in silence while you and Monica wrote the fucking book on it! Everyone wants to be pissed off at me, but no one wants to clue me in on anything they are pissed off about! You know what it is you are so mad at me about, but you run away when the topic is broached. Fine, you do that, but don’t interfere when I try to do that right thing, which by the way, has nothing to do with making you look bad!"

Deep in his heart, Paul knew she was twisting everything and for no other reason than to avoid what was really and truly hurting her. She had always hated vulnerability in herself, but she had lowered her defenses as they had dated to the point that they had vanished completely since they had been married. But now she was hurt and even as misguided as she was, she was fighting to keep from appearing as vulnerable as she felt at the moment.

When she didn’t reply, he continued more calmly, "I need to go and talk to your brother," With that, he turned and joined Rob down the hall in the living room.

Tears blurred Alex’s vision as she turned and bolted back up the steps, nearly colliding with Andrew, who had undoubtedly heard at least part of their argument, but she brushed past him and hurried to her room, closing the door behind her.

She didn’t even know what she was thinking anymore, so how the hell could she ever explain it?

*****

Monica slowly and painfully managed to pull her robe around her, though the effort nearly stole her breath. She had heard the low and angry voices coming from downstairs as sleep had been escaping her and when Andrew had left to go downstairs, she had forced herself to get out of bed. She had heard Alex come upstairs and had heard the bedroom door shut and as under the weather as she still felt, she was not about to leave her friend alone right now.

She walked slowly to the door and opened it, feeling a trace of guilt for the way she had treated Paul earlier and as she leaned up against the door to catch her breath once more, she whispered aloud, "Father, I know I have no right to withhold forgiveness, and I won’t. Just please…please stop this ache in my heart at not feeling like I trust him the way I used to."

She knocked softly on Alex’s door before she opened it. Her friend was sitting on the bed and she looked up, startled, as she wiped at the tears on her face, "What are you doing out of bed?" Ignoring her own feelings of despair, she rose to her feet to help the little angel to the bed so she could sit down.

"I heard you and Paul arguing and thought maybe you could use a shoulder…" Monica offered hopefully. The last thing she wanted was for Alex to close herself off from everyone as the angel knew all too well what a lonely place that could be.

"I don’t even know what I’m saying to him anymore," Alex said very softly. "I really wanted to talk to him… just talk… tell him everything… but it all came out wrong. Then I tried to protect him and he didn’t want anything to do with that. He’s angry now… I know he is… and it’s hard for me to blame him."

"Alex, you’re just as upset as he is, and I don’t think he’s angry. Maybe frustrated, but not angry."

"What’s happening to us?" Alex looked up with tears in her eyes and the expression of hopelessness tore at Monica’s soul. "I thought this was it… that we were forever… and now stuff I pushed away a long time ago is all coming back to haunt us."

Monica stiffly reached out to touch Alex’s arm. "Maybe that’s why. The truth can never really be hidden forever. It wants to be told. Even the hard truths. Even the truths about yourself that you don’t want to admit."

"But I’m afraid." The words were said very slowly and very softly. It was a sentence that the woman rarely said.

"It’s all right to be afraid. It’s better to deal with that fear head on then try to pretend it doesn’t exist. That’s what you’ve been doing. You’ve pushed and pushed yourself to be the perfect, self-assured, confident, competent woman, and that’s wonderful."

"But it’s made me even more scared about showing any kind of flaw… any chink in the armor," Alex finished the angel’s thought. "I don’t want Paul to know what a baby I am," she sniffled. "I’m just so confused right now… about everything."

"I know you are, but give it time, Alex. Just keep remembering how much he loves you. He does love you," Monica assured her, completely confident of that fact.

"He’s downstairs right now, throwing his career away because he wouldn’t let me cover for him," she said hesitantly.

"He’s doing what he thinks is right, and he doesn’t think it’s right to let you share any of his blame. I know how guilty he’s feeling about everything right now." She hung her head a little, and bit her lip thinking about the fact that she hadn’t exactly lessened his guilt any with her attitude towards him.

"I really do think that he believed we were safe," Alex said after a long pause. "I have to believe that."

Monica felt a certain conviction fill her heart, and it swept away her doubts about Paul’s motivation if not his actions. "I believe that too, Alex. Let him prove it to you. Show him everything you’re feeling and then let him help you turn those feelings around."

Alex squeezed Monica’s hand and looked at her gratefully. "I’m so glad you’re here. I look at you and I see that maybe showing a little vulnerability isn’t all bad. You let Andrew help you, and I can see that does you both good."

"Well I didn’t used to like leaning on him. I thought I did it too much, but sometimes being leaned on and feeling needed is a wonderful thing. Andrew only had to tell me that a few dozen times before I believed it," Monica said with a little grin. Her words, however, hid the way she was feeling physically. Her chest felt tight and she struggled to keep her smile in place.

"I guess I see what you mean, and hopefully it won’t take as long for me," Alex laughed. She patted the angel’s hand and then looked at her with concern. "Are you all right? You look a little pale all of a sudden." She cocked her head to meet Monica’s gaze.

"Just a little winded. You were probably right about me being out of bed. Maybe you could help me back to my room?"

"Why don’t you just stay put and I’ll go get Andrew."

"Alex, please? He’s had enough worry as it is…"

"What did you just tell me about leaning on him?"

The little angel relaxed back onto the pillows with a wry grin and a look of defeat on her face. Alex stood up and turned to leave the room, and Monica closed her eyes, praying for the pain that was stealing her breath to stop.

*****

"What’s going on down here?" Andrew usually wasn’t one to barge in, but his relationship with the family, along with his wife’s condition had a very emboldening affect on him.

Rob and Paul both looked up as the angel entered the study, and the looks on their faces pretty much said it all. Paul’s was full of self-loathing and disgust, and Rob’s held regret tinged with anger. Neither one of them said anything, and Andrew crossed his arms and stared at them, suddenly seeming to grow in stature as he glared at them.

"I was just telling Rob what we knew of the terrorists."

Alex’s brother heard the remorse still so evident in Paul’s voice and it took some of the anger out of him. It was blatantly obvious that the man would never do anything to intentionally hurt Alex or anyone else, and being angry at him only took it from where it rightfully belonged, the people who had planned and carried out the attacks.

"Paul, you need to stop beating yourself up, man. You were just doing your job."

"Yeah, and a lot of people died because apparently I wasn’t doing it well enough, and now that’s what everyone is going to know."

Andrew looked at Rob, waiting for the young man’s reply. The angel knew that he could be pretty ruthless when it came to the pursuit of a story and he wondered what he was going to do about this one.

"I’m not gonna lie to you. This story is coming out, whether I tell it or not. It’s already on the wire and half the papers probably have it set for the front page tomorrow. But look at me. I’m not going to spin it like it was the bureau’s fault, much less yours. It was a tragedy, made more so because the ability to prevent it was close. Close, Paul, but not in hand. There was nothing you could have done."

Paul looked up sharply as he saw Alex approaching down the stairs. "Tell that to your sister," he said with a defeated sigh, as he stood up and headed for the kitchen.

Alex watched him leave with a heavy heart and knew she was going to soon have to find the words to start at least opening the door of communication between them. Turning to Andrew, she touched him arm urgently, "Andrew, I don’t think Monica is feeling very well. She’s in my room and we were talking and-."

He didn’t wait to hear anymore. The angel had already turned and was taking the steps two at a time, his heart in his throat. Racing to Paul and Alex’s room, the demand of "what are doing out of bed?" already on his tongue, he stopped at seeing how pale she was. One trembling hand was laying over her chest as she was forcing herself to take in air.

"Angel?" He sat down beside of her and laid a hand against her face, seeing the pain in her eyes when she turned to face him.

"Andrew…I don’t….feel so well…" She forced out the words between shallow gasps.

"She looks worse than she did when I went down to get you," Alex observed worriedly, "She could have punctured a lung, Andrew…"

"Call an ambulance," He ordered, voice low, but his wife was already shaking her head, her dark eyes pleading.

"No hospital…please."

"Monica, we have to know what is wrong. You haven’t been in this kind of pain since right after the surgery."

"Just tired…I’ll be fine…" She didn’t really believe it herself, but she was willing to try.

"I love you and I need to know that for certain," Andrew replied firmly, letting her know that this was not up for debate.

"Andrew," Alex began urgently, "A doctor for the FBI lives two doors down. Paul could check to see if he is home and maybe he could tell us if she needs to go the hospital. He may be able to treat her right here."

He only considered it for a fraction of a second, "Go. Get Paul."

As Alex disappeared back out the door, he turned his attention back to his wife, carefully wrapping an arm around her shoulders to pull her close. She was so pale it terrified him and he cursed himself for leaving her alone. Her need to help her friends was more important to her than the need to help herself and he should have known better.

"Not your fault," As if reading his mind, Monica’s words caused him to look down at her with surprise.

"Maybe not, but I’ve left you alone too many times in the past two weeks. I can’t help but think that if we hadn’t been parted in the first place, you wouldn’t be in pain now," He replied softly, kissing the top of her head. He knew it was not up to him to question, but when it came to his wife, he didn’t seem able to help it.

"Andrew…" She stopped as a cough escaped her, the pain so great it ended on a sob.

"Shhh, don’t try to talk right now, angel. Just relax as best you can until the doctor gets here," He rested his chin on top of her head, listening to her struggled breathing as he prayed for her safety. Though it was only minutes, it seemed more like hours to him before he heard the front door opening and the sound of footsteps on the stairs. A moment later, Paul, Rob, Alex and the doctor had come through the door.

"Dr. Barringer," He introduced himself quickly as he got his stethoscope from the bag he was carrying, "I understand you’re having a bit of trouble breathing, Monica."

She managed a slight nod as he warmed the instrument in his hands before listening to her lungs. Andrew’s eyes remained watchful as he searched the man’s face for any clue as what was wrong with his wife.

"Sounds like a bit of air could be trapped in what I believe to be a punctured lung," He explained, before listening once more, "Alex said you had some broken ribs…that you were one of the lucky ones to get out of the FBI building."

Another nod, as Andrew replied for her, "Yes, she was. She was doing pretty well until a few minutes ago."

"How serious is it?" Paul demanded, his expression laden with worry. He was feeling constant pangs of guilt over the little angel’s condition and he wanted to alleviate her pain as quickly as possible.

"Depends," Dr. Barringer replied, reaching into the black bag once more, "I’ll try to aspirate it here, but if her pain doesn’t improve, she’ll have to go to the hospital."

Monica blinked as he pulled a needle and syringe from the bag and her breath caught briefly.

"I need for you to hold perfectly still, young lady," He explained gently, seeing the fear as well as the pain in her eyes, "It won’t take but a minute, but I can’t have you moving."

She blinked back tears as she turned her head and buried it against Andrew, feeling him bring his other hand around to shield her from seeing anything.

Paul watched as the doctor inserted the needle but then his focus was entirely on the two angels as he felt emotion well up inside of him. Monica was lying perfectly still and though he couldn’t hear what was being said, Andrew was speaking to her in soft murmurs. That was the way things were supposed to be, he surmised. When one was hurting, the other was supposed to be gentle and supportive. Instead he had been brash with Alex, allowing his frustration to get the better of him again and again. He was sure that Andrew was probably feeling frustrated as well with all that had happened to his wife, but none of that showed now. He was intent on one thing-that Monica feel better even as he wrapped his love for her around her. The agent suspected he could take a few lessons from the newlyweds.

The pain of the needle seemed to lessen as Monica listened to Andrew’s soft words of love and his encouragement over how proud he was of her and how blessed to be united with her for the rest of eternity. She felt the pain in her chest begin to improve, even as her heart ached pleasantly with how much she loved him.

The procedure was over quickly, but the little angel didn’t move from her place in her husband’s arms, not wanting to abandon the feeling of safety and of being cared for so deeply. She realized as the doctor listened to her heart and lungs once more that her breaths were coming much more easily now and the pain had diminished significantly.

"You sound better," Dr. Barringer remarked, noting the relief on the faces of his two neighbors, "But are you feeling better?"

"Yes. Thank you," Monica whispered wearily, the feeling of Andrew running his hands through her hair lulling her exhausted body closer and closer to sleep.

He nodded his head as he placed his stethoscope back in his bag, and gave a stern look to Andrew, "She needs rest and plenty of it right now."

"She’ll get it. I promise," Andrew replied seriously, "Thank you for helping her."

Paul and Alex exchanged a few words with him before he left the bedroom, Rob showing him to the door and a moment later, the angel had met his steely green eyes with them.

"It’s…it’s my fault," Alex said quietly, seeing as Monica had fallen into a deep sleep, worn out by her ordeal, "She came in here to talk to me and-."

"Alex," Andrew interrupted gently, even as he readied himself to lift his wife into his arms to carry her back to their room, "I’m not blaming anyone, but the fact remains that you two are going to need to start dealing with this thing that has become between you. The longer you go on not talking to each other, the more Monica is going to want to help. Though I can’t fault her for that, she needs to heal right now," His eyes swept over her sleeping face briefly, "I’m not sure I can handle another scare like this one any time soon. You know how much she loves you both and would do anything for you, so would you please do both her and I a favor and for a few days make sure she doesn’t feel as if she has to do quite so much?"

Chapter 11

Andrew left the room before either Paul or Alex could reply, and they looked at each other as the angel walked out carrying his wife. He was right. This couldn’t continue, especially now that they were hurting someone other than just themselves. Alex moved slowly to the bed and sank down onto it. She felt like she needed to be the one to break the ice, but all the words in her head were jumbled and racing around. She glanced up at Paul and was shocked when he stepped forward and then knelt down in front of her.

"Before I say anything else, I want to say I’m sorry," he placed both his hands on her knees. "Every time we start talking, instead of listening to you and reassuring you, I get defensive and dismissive. My careless words are what started this whole thing, and I have no right to act as if you’ve done something wrong. You haven’t done anything, baby. I love you and whatever questions or doubts you have, we are going to work through them. I’ll tell you I love you a million times if that’s what it takes for you to believe me."

Alex’s eyes filled with tears at her husband’s words, and she covered her mouth with one hand to contain her little gasping sob. "I’m sorry too," she sniffled. "Even if you say you’re the one who was wrong… if I hadn’t volunteered in the first place…"

He held his finger to her lips to silence her. "That was as natural to you as breathing, and I should have understood that. That doesn’t mean I would have been happy, but acting like a pissed off five year old wasn’t any way for me to behave." He paused for a minute and just stared at her, making note of everything about her, of all the little things he loved. She seemed to know what he was about to say and she lowered her eyes and beat him to it.

"But I wouldn’t have blown things so out of proportion if I had been honest with you about things a long time ago," she whispered.

Paul rose up and sat down on the bed beside her, gently draping one arm around her shoulders and pulling her close. "I think that’s partially my fault too. I never really gave you an opportunity. I never talked about her, and I should have."

"You loved her a lot," Alex said quietly, voicing her greatest fear.

She felt him nodding his head before he spoke. "Yes I did. She was really the first woman I loved completely."

Drawing in a shaky breath she asked, "You still think about her, don’t you?"

There was a long pause before he hugged her tighter and replied, "Yes I do. I can’t lie to you, Alex. Every once in a while, I think of her. I think about how her life ended too soon… before she really got a chance to live it. But that’s all I think, sweetheart. I don’t think about what life would have been like for us. I don’t have an argument with you and then go off and think that she and I wouldn’t have fought." He raised a hand to her cheek and turned her face towards his so that he could look into her eyes. "I have never, ever, ever made love to you and then rolled over and wished that you were her."

"Never?" the word was choked with tears.

"Alex, I loved her, but she is a part of my past. A part that I wouldn’t give up, but a part I don’t want to return to either. I look at you and I see my whole future spread out in front of me in your eyes. You are my life. You are my love. You are my wife, and I have never wished or hoped or dreamt of another."

He leaned in close and kissed her tenderly, tasting the salt from her tears and feeling the way she was still trembling with emotion. An instant later and she was crying openly and wrapping her arms around him. He held her tightly and closed his eyes.

"I… I love you so much… and I was so sure that you didn’t really want me. I always wondered, but I was so afraid to ask… I didn’t want you to know I was afraid. I didn’t want you to think I was so insecure…"

"Baby, I don’t think that at all. We talked about old relationships, and I know I just glossed over her. I shouldn’t have done that. It trivialized what she meant to me and it kept you from feeling comfortable to ask about it. It was painful for me and I didn’t like to think about it so I just decided to brush it under the rug. Of course that left you feeling unsure."

"I was positive that I was over it," she murmured. "I hadn’t thought about it for a long time… but then we fought… and suddenly it all came back to me…"

"I was a bastard for saying anything like that to you. I didn’t mean any of it. You believe that now, don’t you?"

A small nod was his answer, but he still felt he was going to have to do a little more to prove himself to her. "When I knew you were trapped, all I could think about was how I’d left things between us. I swear I will never do that again. You are the best part of me, Alex. Don’t ever forget that. Without you, I don’t even want to think about life. Andrew may have Monica, but every day I look at you and I feel like I have my own angel right beside me."

"Really?"

"Absolutely."

"I love you so much, Paul. I’m so sorry it took so long for me to admit everything to you." She hugged him tighter and then tilted her head up to look at him.

"Getting things out in the open was worth the wait. Frankly I was pretty stupid for not realizing it to begin with."

"Well I didn’t give you a whole lot to go on," she said with a wry grin.

"Yeah. We really need to work on that telepathic bond thing that Monica and Andrew have going for them."

She let out a small laugh. "I don’t think that’s what they call it."

"Well whatever it is, I wish I had it sometimes. I could definitely use it."

"It doesn’t always stop them from hurting each other, though," Alex said quietly. "They just seem to admit their problems and forgive a lot faster…"

"Yeah. It isn’t the first time I’ve thought we could take a lesson or two from them."

"Well one thing they don’t have to teach me again. I love you. I’m not going to lock myself up anymore just because I’m afraid of getting hurt."

Kissing the top of her head he stroked his hand through her hair. "You don’t have to worry about that, sweetness, because I’m going to do my damnedest to make sure it doesn’t happen again."

Alex looked up at him, the trust in her eyes something he realized he had missed the past week. Ducking his head, he kissed away the last of her tears before meeting his lips with hers in a tender kiss. He felt her hand against his cheek as her tongue sought his and he parted his lips to deepen the kiss that was touching his very soul. Her fingertips were lightly stroking the side of his face as if she had forgotten what touching him felt like and he realized how much he had missed this part of their love as well.

They were both breathless when the kiss finally ended, desire shining in both of their eyes and Alex grinned up at him, "Please tell me it is time for the official making up now?"

Paul chuckled softly, though his eyes still held concern, "You’re still healing, sweetheart and I don’t want to hurt you. Your ribs-."

"Fuck ‘em," She replied, smile still in place, "You’ll just have to be careful because I have no desire to wait any longer for you," Not giving him a chance to argue, she kissed him once more, this time with more passion that cut off any argument he might have attempted and made him forget about it entirely.

Their tongues dueled hungrily as if finally being permitted to partake of something they had been denied for a very long time. Alex’s hands were entwined in his hair as she pulled him closer forcefully, before she moved them to unbutton the pale blue shirt he was wearing. Her hands fanned out over his strong chest and Paul’s breath caught in his throat at her touch.

"My God, how I love you," He uttered after catching his breath, his hands on either side of her face as he looked into her eyes.

"Yeah, well, ditto, but can we save all that for after? I’m feeling a little hot and bothered at the moment." Her fingers had already moved to unsnap the button on his jeans and she was tugging at them impatiently.

A low chuckle escaped him as he undid the buttons on her sweater, "Gladly, sweetheart," He growled into her ear before kissing her again, his fingers fumbling around the heated passion that was consuming him.
"Way too slow, Gatlin," She grinned around his mouth as she moved to help him with her sweater before gingerly shrugging it off, "Can you handle the bra, or must I do everything?"

"Wench," He retorted before he single handedly undid the clasp, freeing her breasts.

"Impressive," Alex giggled, but a moment later, it had turned into a gasp as his mouth covered her nipple, sucking hungrily as the small bud hardened beneath his tongue.

A small sigh of pleasure escaped her. She had missed this. This physical pleasure that was so much a part of them, only now she fully realized just how much more defined the two of them. He had put her fears to rest and for the first time in their eleven months of marriage, she felt herself completely relaxing under his touch. She had nothing to prove and he was not comparing her to anyone else. That knowledge was profound freedom.

She arched her back, pressing herself closer to his questing mouth, her body surrendering to all the things he was making her feel. He was being careful to not apply any pressure to her rib cage as his hands stroked down her hips before he released the button on her jeans and tugged them down. As his hand slipped down and parted her warm folds, she pressed herself up against his fingers. Paul moved to her other breast, taking his time despite his own growing urgency. He could feel changes in her lovemaking that he had never detected before, some of them so deep that they were really only matters of the heart.

She was slick with her own desire and he groaned softly against her breast as he pressed two fingers into her and felt a slight shudder go through her body. Somehow he managed to free himself of the rest of his clothing, all the while suckling her before he yanked off the rest of hers as well. Her legs fell open in an invitation he was unable to resist as he moved lower and covered her with his mouth, his tongue running over her. She was crying out softly, urgent pleas for him to complete her and he lapped at her slowly, savoring her sweetness, her warmth, her scent.

"Paul…Paul…please…" She was begging, desperate to be joined with him once more, in body, heart and soul, only this time completely and without fear, "I need you, please…" Stressing her point, she reached down and grasped him firmly in her hand, guiding him to her core.

He surrendered willingly, pressing into her yielding flesh as she stretched to accommodate him, a contented sigh escaping her lips at the long awaited union. She matched his strokes with her hips, pulling him to down to kiss him as she whispered, "You now have all of me, Paul and I trust that to your safe keeping, now and always."

He blinked back tears, his voice thick with emotion over this gift as he managed to whisper, "Thank you, baby," before she was urging him on faster. He thrust into her with long, powerful strokes, her constant soft cries spurring him on as she began to tighten against him. He moved his fingers down between them and softly rubbed her sensitive nub and she immediately tumbled into oblivion with his name on her lips. Her sudden grasp on him caused him to follow immediately after, still feeling the shudders from her own body against him as he completed himself into her.

Alex felt the warmth of all that he was and she was surprised when she found herself wishing that maybe this would be the time; the time when all they were would join together to create new life. These were new feelings for her, though they had not been doing anything to prevent a pregnancy, but now she realized how desperately she wanted it. In the moments as they caught their breath, she imagined his face at being able to tell him she was pregnant and the thought warmed her heart. She had always loved him, but never more completely than at this moment.

She came back to reality at the feeling of his lips on her forehead and she smiled peacefully up at him, "Best part of fighting with you, I’d say."

But Paul’s hazel eyes were serious as he replied, "I’m thinking we can enjoy this benefit without the fighting, sweetness. I never want to hurt you like that again."

Happy tears shone in her eyes as she ran a hand across his chest, "You won’t as so much of that was due to my own insecurities, which you have put completely to rest."

"I’m glad of that, baby. I don’t ever want you to be afraid to tell me anything that is troubling you," His fingers traced her face tenderly, his expression one of complete love that made her wonder how she ever could have doubted.

"No. I know better now," She felt him pull her closer and she rested her head against his chest.

"I have some making up to do with a couple of angels," Paul remarked after a minute had passed, "I’ve been a real son of a bitch with them lately and I feel terrible about that. Monica is still upset with me and I’ve made some rather judgmental remarks about her angelic status to Andrew. I’ve apologized for that, but don’t think I truly realized just how much being an angel has no affect if she is in pain, until today. Not until I saw the look on Andrew’s face. I could tell all he wanted to do was to take the pain from her, and that was when I realized that with you, I’d had that power all along and hadn’t done anything about it."

Alex smiled softly, gazing up at him, "And Monica made me see that showing you a little vulnerability isn’t a bad thing. I’ve always tried to avoid it in the past and I don’t know if it was my past or our jobs that made that so."

He ran his fingers through her hair thoughtfully and then sighed, "Well, if it was our jobs, there may be one less of those to be concerned with by morning. Despite what Rob said, the city is looking for someone to blame and even though we could not have prevented what happened, I’m that guy."

"Paul, don’t say that." She propped her chin on his chest as she draped one arm around him.

"I’m sorry, Alex. You’re right. Let’s just not think about it right now."

Alex sighed and then grimaced as she felt her ribs beginning to protest all the activity and her current position lying partially on her chest.

"What’s wrong? Are you all right? I told you we shouldn’t have done anything!" Paul’s words were stern and rushed as he carefully moved her off of himself and cushioned her among the pillows.

"Oh stop with the fussing. I’m just sore," Alex said as she slapped his hand away all the while soaking in the attention in a way she never had before.

"I seem to remember Monica telling us she was just fine too." Paul was unimpressed with his wife’s self-diagnosis. "Are you sure you’re okay?"

She took a few deep breaths to demonstrate and then reached for Paul’s hand and held it against her chest. "I am positive. I just can’t lie on top of you, that’s all."

"What about beside me? Would that do?" he inched himself closer and rested his head next to hers on the pillow.

"That would be perfect."

Their eyes met and Paul inched closer and kissed her gently on the cheek. "It isn’t even four o’clock. I should be calling around and seeing exactly what the press damage is," he said although he made no move to leave.

"Wouldn’t you rather take a little nap with me?"

Hugging her gently, he drew the covers up over them. "Absolutely." He eyed the door semi-guiltily but then kissed Alex’s temple and closed his eyes. Rob was a big boy. He could take care of himself, and he already knew where he would find Monica and Andrew.

*****

"Monica, you’re supposed to be asleep," Andrew chided gently as he watched his wife try to quickly close her eyes and feign sleep.

Her mouth puckered and then broke into a little grin. "I’m feeling much better," she insisted. "I just wanted to check on Paul and Alex."

"You aren’t leaving this bed, so don’t even think about it. They are adults and they can fend for themselves."

"Yes, but clearly I was sent her to…"

"To help Alex while she was trapped and be able to relate to her feelings now so that she and Paul can work things out. You’ve done that, and the rest is up to them."

"Has it been quiet?" she asked after a minute of silence as the knowledge that he wasn’t going to let her get out of bed to check finally sank in.

"Very quiet. Nothing to worry about. So close your eyes and go to sleep."

She pouted at him but he smoothed his hand over the crinkles in her forehead. A few minutes later and she had drifted off to sleep, leaving Andrew to watch over her and wonder about how Alex and Paul really were. He thought he had heard a muffled cry from down the hall, and his lips curled up into a smug smile. He had a feeling everything was working out well. Now they just needed to get Monica healthy and the press under control.

It was very strange. Before meeting Paul, his assignments with Monica had been frequent but always brief. They touched into the human world but were never really a part of it. Now, since their first encounter with Paul, they had become more and more immersed in humanity. It had its definite drawbacks. Monica was put in real danger more than she ever had been before, and his all-to-human emotions had gotten the better of him more than once. Being away from Home for extended periods had even made him doubt God’s plan and nothing had done that more than Monica’s rape. However, when he glanced down at his wife he knew that he wouldn’t change anything. Just looking into her eyes made him feel just how close God was each and every day. In fact, he felt even more determined to carry out His will and deliver His message because he knew firsthand just how wonderful and perfect His plan was.

Outside, the sun began to sink, another day drawing to a close as the two couples lay happily ensconced in their rooms. Half-way across the city in the basement of the Washington Post the presses were humming, paper skimming through the massive machines and neatly coming together at the end. It was a special evening edition, and Robert Bennett’s article was front and center.

The man of the hour was sitting his above the street in his eight by eight cubicle, reading over the copy for the hundredth time. It was definitely fair and truthful but he still worried about its possible affect on Paul and his sister. He hadn’t backed away from stories very often in the past, but this was one he wished he hadn’t heard about. At least he could tell himself that it was better him than one of the more malicious reporters who liked nothing better than to dredge up information for the sake of making people look bad and inciting public dissent. He folded the sheets again and slipped them into his drawer. Alex wouldn’t be happy, but it wouldn’t be the first time. Paul had a good head on his shoulders. He’d sit back and weather the storm just like he always did.

Chapter 12

Paul watched with a sigh as Andrew prepared the dinner tray to take upstairs to Monica. He had tried every tactic he had known to convince the angel to allow her to come down to dinner, but Andrew had rather tersely replied that his wife would be remaining in bed, at least for the rest of tonight if not tomorrow. The agent knew that what had occurred that afternoon had shaken Andrew, but it was also quite obvious that some hard feelings were still present between himself and his friend.

"Okay, fine, but would it be all right if I took the tray up to her?" Paul knew he could be skating on thin ice but he held Andrew’s eyes, unwavering, despite the fact that he was trying to emotionally ready himself should the angel explode, "I think there is still some air that needs to be cleared between she and I."

Andrew’s jaw clenched, not being overjoyed with the idea, but he also knew that the air between Paul and Monica did need to be cleared. "If you upset her…"

Andrew’s voice held a barely restrained warning and Paul was starting to wish that this part of their relationship would soon right itself. For as close as they were, it always seemed as if one of them was just barely trusting the other one, especially where the little angel was concerned. He had spent many an hour not trusting Andrew after the angel had made his feelings about Monica known to him, but now the agent truly understood just how defensive he had made Andrew feel.

"I won’t, I promise," Paul replied, taking the tray from the angel’s hands in order to not give him time to argue. He watched as Alex gave him an encouraging smile, having watched the exchange silently and he knew she was just as anxious to have things back to normal between them and their closest friends.

Andrew watched with evident concern in his eyes as Paul left the kitchen to go upstairs, before he turned to Alex, "Are things better between the two of you now?"

She smiled and gave a nod, "Yes. We talked everything out," She took a hesitant step to him and touched his arm, "Andrew…I’m just so sorry…about everything. It wasn’t that long ago that Monica had been hurt so terribly and I feel horrible that now because of Paul and I, she is again."

His eyes warmed as he met her gaze and shook his head, "She wasn’t hurt because of you or Paul, Alex. God put her where he needed her to be and that was in the FBI building with you. Though I’m sorry she got hurt, that both of you were hurt, I’m not sorry she was with you and neither is she. I can’t even imagine how she would have felt knowing you were up there alone. She loves you, Alex, probably more than you know."

She blinked back tears and emitted a little grin, "Well, that goes both ways, with both of you. I couldn’t imagine our lives without knowing that at any time, angels could be popping by for a visit," She watched as he relaxed a little bit more before she continued, "But you’re upset with Paul."

Andrew hesitated, unsure of what to say. Things were just being smoothed over between the couple and he didn’t want to hash any of his issues with Paul with her. Yes, he had forgiven Paul. For everything. But that didn’t mean he wasn’t still holding onto some residual anger. He could accept Paul’s mistakes; hoping Monica would fix things with Alex when he should have been the one doing that, and even having some idea of potential danger in the city. What he was still struggling with was the agent’s callous attitude about Monica being hurt in the first place. He had always felt that Paul, better than anyone else, understood his need to protect the little angel. Paul had been there for McArthur and David and had even reacted in anger to Monica being hurt. He had seen what Grady had done to her mind after she had been raped and how hard she had struggled for months. Andrew had nearly felt that he and Paul shared a confidence when it came to Monica and how easily trouble found her.

It was by no fault of her own, of course. Her love of the human race, her innocent nature, her outgoing personality, those were the things that often left her unsuspecting of being in a dangerous situation. Paul knew all of that and had witnessed all of it as well and Andrew couldn’t help but to feel let down in some way. No, Monica was not Paul’s responsibility. That gift belonged to he and God, but at the very least, Andrew had expected Paul to always understand.

"It isn’t worth mentioning, Alex," He replied after a moment, though he could tell she didn’t believe him, "It’s something he and I need to work out is all and we will. I value his friendship too much not to."

"He thinks the world of you, Andrew," She remarked quietly, giving his arm a gentle squeeze, "He respects you, and besides, it doesn’t solve anything to not confront it."

Her quirky self-conscious grin caused the angel to chuckle as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders in a little hug, "Thank you for the reminder and I’ll definitely keep it in mind."

"Well, I like to share the wealth of knowledge I have stored up in my mind and this piece is new and all the rage, or so I hear."

*****

Paul rapped softly on Monica’s door, before opening it, relieved to find her sitting up in bed, propped back against the pillows. At seeing him, her dark eyes widened briefly as her breath caught, before she released it and tried to relax.

Taking all of this in stride, Paul set the dinner tray down on her nightstand and took a seat on the edge of her bed, "Are you feeling better?"

Monica could see the concern in his eyes for her and she nodded her head, "Yes. Much better than this afternoon, thank you."

"You never have to thank me for wanting to know how you are, sweetheart. Though I’m sure my behavior of late is going to contradict what I am about to say, I’ll say it anyway. I love you and I never want to see you in pain."

"I know that," She replied softly, but before she could say anymore, he was talking.

"I’d like to think that you do, but I’ve been a real shit lately and it never hurts to remind you. Now, with that being said, let me also say that I’m sorry I used you last week to try to fix my problems with Alex. As your husband justly pointed out, I was being a coward and looking to you to help me, knowing you would be more than willing. I should have been the one going to her and apologizing."

She raised an eyebrow as she looked up at him and stated softly, "Had you done that, you would probably both be dead, Paul. No one from her floor survived. You didn’t put me there that day. God did."

He seemed to consider this for a moment. "Okay, but I feel like I helped and my plan was anything but Divine," He smirked and gave a shake of his head, "I suppose you know as well that my team was tracking the men who very well may have done this bombing." He watched her lower her eyes and knew immediately that this was the piece he had been missing, "Monica, I didn’t know enough to alert anyone of anything. They were suspicious, but that was all."

"You didn’t tell Alex," The words were but a whisper.

"No, I didn’t tell her. We have certain ethics in this business that sometimes don’t allow for-."

"She’s your wife, Paul," Monica raised her head and met his gaze once more, "and she understands this business every bit as much as you do, but if this city was endanger, if you had that kind of burden on your shoulders, if Alex was potentially in danger, you should have told her. God and family come first, Paul, before anything else, including ethics."

His shoulders sagged somewhat at her words, before his eyes filled with conviction, "You’re right."

"I know," She was unable to suppress the small grin that tugged at the edges of her mouth.

Catching her smile, his expression warmed, "Does this mean I’m forgiven?"

"You’ve been forgiven all along, Paul," Monica informed him gently, "I just needed to do a little work on my trust towards you."

He reached for her hand and gave it a squeeze, "That is something I value very much, honey and if I need to earn it back from you, I will."

Tears filled her eyes and a moment later he had wrapped his arms ever so gently around her to hold her close, "You and Alex are the two amazing ladies in my life, little angel, and have no intention of losing either one of you."

"You won’t. Are you and Alex all right now?" Her voice was hopeful.

"Better than all right and I owe you a huge thank you for that. I’m just sorry that your intervening caused you any pain today, but I have to admit, seeing you and Andrew together while the doctor was helping you…it made me realize a lot of things."

Monica felt a smile cross her face. Today had been no accident, though she had never really believed it had been. God had known how to reach Paul and He had simply used her to do it. If it involved some temporary pain, then so be it.

"That is one angel who loves you so much, Monica," He chuckled softly as he pulled away, "So much that I feel like I’ve been barely scraping by without him kicking my ass for hurting you at all."

She looked briefly horrified, "Andrew would never-."

"Don’t you believe it!" He was only partially teasing to hear the giggle she let out, "In case you hadn’t noticed, sweetheart, he has become even more protective of you lately and there is never any excuse good enough for hurting you, not that there ever was."

"Since the rape," She whispered, her eyes solemn once more.

Paul was relieved to not see any pain in the dark eyes over the mention of such a terrible time, so he continued, "Yeah. I don’t know if you even realized it, as you were struggling with what happened, but what happened to you shook him hard, Monica. There were times I thought he was hurting for you every bit as deeply as you were."

"I knew he was upset," she said thoughtfully, "but he tried to keep most of that away from me I think. Every once in a while though, I still catch him looking at me with a sad expression. I think he still thinks he should have been there to stop it." A shake of her head showed how futile she felt that belief to be, but Paul knew exactly how he felt.

"I have a feeling it could be a while before he stops feeling that way. Right now I can’t even imagine looking at the bureau and not remembering how it felt to know that Alex was in there and I was the one who left her there." He saw that Monica was about to contradict him again and he quickly went on. "I know, I know… God’s plan and all that. I’m just saying that when it comes to seeing the one you love in pain, it kinda smudges that line between what you think you should have done and what you know that He has in mind."

Monica nodded in understanding and Paul turned to pick up the tray from the nightstand. "So you and Alex talked?" she asked, gently hinting that she wanted a few more details before she could fully relax.

"Yes. About everything. A little bit of honesty went a long way towards making her finally put aside her doubts."

"It always does."

"Yes, I suppose it does. It did wonders for you and Andrew," he teased.

Monica blushed, remembering how she and her husband had both tried to keep their blossoming feelings a secret from everyone. "Well that’s why I can tell you that," she retorted. "A wee bit of first hand knowledge."

Paul chuckled before he replied, "Trust me, when I see the two of you it makes me see how marriage should be. You haven’t been at it long and you’re already running rings around us long-timers," he joked.

"Hmm…" Monica picked up her fork as she thought. "You and Alex may have been married for longer, but Andrew and I have known each other for a lot of years… so really I think we’re the long-timers." She grinned and raised one eyebrow before putting the first bite of food into her mouth and watching Paul smile in amusement. She hadn’t seen many smiles out of him or Alex lately. It was great to be getting back to normal.

Of course she didn’t know how far from normal things really were for the two agents. Even if their personal lives were now back on track, it did nothing to help their working ones. At that very moment the evening paper hit the front door, thrown by the neighborhood paperboy. Paul’s fate was written in its pages but he didn’t even care. He thought back to days when it would have been completely devastating to have his career marred by anything much less a tragedy of such magnitude. It was just that tragedy that had reminded him that there were a hundred things more important than his career, and Alex was chief among them.

*****

"Did she eat everything?" Andrew asked, standing as the agent walked into the room.

"Just about. She says she doesn’t like lima beans," Paul said with a grin as he motioned to the small pile of green that remained on the plate.

"Hmm. Good to know. Next time, no beans," Andrew replied as he took the tray from Paul.

They were both a little surprised when Alex rose from her place at the table and walked to the hall. "I’m just going to give you boys a little time," she said with a wink. "I’m sure Monica could do with some girl talk."

She headed up the stairs, leaving Paul and Andrew to stare at one another.

"So." Paul started.

"So?" Andrew wasn’t exactly sure how to reply and Paul let out a long breath as he sat down in Alex’s abandoned chair.

"I’ve cleared the air with Monica, so I figure I’d better do the same with you."

Andrew waved his hand in protest. "Oh, It’s all right, Paul," he said, hoping that God saw that as more of an inadmission than a lie.

"Buddy, I think we both know that isn’t really true," he said seriously.

"All right. Maybe it isn’t," the angel admitted.

"You’ve been pretty pissed at me ever since I flippantly remarked that Monica was bound to be okay… after all, she’s an angel.

"Yeah, something like that," Andrew muttered.

"I can only plead stupidity. I don’t know what the fuck I was thinking saying that. I’ve seen what’s happened to Monica in the past. I know first-hand how much she can be hurt, not only physically but emotionally."

"Yes," Andrew agreed, his face slightly hardened, "she’s very sensitive."

"And clearly I’m not," Paul remarked. "But I’m trying to get better. Trust me, I won’t be using her angelic status, or yours either for that matter, as a crutch or a ‘get out of pain free’ card," he continued, referring to the old Monopoly game he had spent hours playing as a young boy.

"Sometimes I think she can be hurt more than others," Andrew said. "She’s so willing to take things on for the people around her."

"Yeah, and that’s exactly how I took advantage of her."

"Yes, it is."

Paul could see that Andrew was still harboring annoyance at the very least, but he was hopeful that the angel would forgive him. "I already apologized to her for that and now I’m apologizing to you," he said. "I put Monica’s well-being in jeopardy just because, as you said, I ‘was too much of a chicken shit coward’ to face my own problems.

Andrew smirked at hearing his own words used again. He hadn’t exactly been thinking too clearly at the time, and had certainly shown. "As long as it doesn’t happen again, I think we can adopt a truce," he replied.

"Good to hear," Paul said as he thrust his hand out and gave Andrew’s a shake. "She’s second only to Alex in my eyes," he said quietly. "I may not be too deserving at the moment, but if there’s still an open position as her second protector, I’d love to reapply."

"Not a problem," Andrew said with a grin, happy to feel his emotions sliding back into their proper places. "I know she wouldn’t want it any other way."

"Nor would I," Paul agreed, returning his grin. He felt more than a little relieved to have things feeling normal once more between the two of them, and to finally have all his bridges mended. He had certainly nearly burned enough of them.

The sound of the telephone ringing brought him to his feet as he answered it and Andrew watched as Paul’s face changed from surprise, to anger and then sadness. He hung it up without saying anymore than "hello" and the angel had a feeling that his friend had not been given the opportunity to say anything else. No sooner did he hang it up, did it ring again, and Paul looked at it with something akin to dread.

"Get the paper, Paul," Andrew instructed as he rose to his feet as well, "Let me handle the phone." He already knew what this was all about. Rob’s story had hit. People were angry and they now had someone to direct that anger towards.

"Thanks, buddy," Paul muttered as he hurried to the front door. Opening it, he grabbed the paper quickly before closing and locking the door once more. His eyes skimmed the article in acceptance. Rob had been honest, but had cast no blame, relating the situation exactly as Paul had told it to him. In his heart, he knew that he in no way could have stopped what had happened last week, though he wished he could have. Even if he had shared their knowledge with the rest of the bureau, with the public, the bombings still would have occurred. Rob had even stated that fact more or less, but the agent knew it would make no difference to the people who were angry and hurting.

The phone rang again and he hurried back to the kitchen. He could see anger in Andrew’s eyes and he knew that the second call had been more of the anger and profanity that the first had entailed and he certainly didn’t expect the third one to be any different. Before the angel could reach for the phone once more, Paul shut off the ringer as well as the answering machine.

"My boss and any family has my cell number," He explained, though he had a feeling Andrew didn’t require any explanation.

"I guess this is about what you expected," Andrew remarked, shaking his head in disgust.

"I guess it is," Paul sounded a bit defeated and he was surprised to feel his friend’s hand on his shoulder.

"You did all you could and you didn’t back away from the truth, Paul. Those are the things that matter to God, and to Alex. You have nothing to be ashamed of."

The ringing of his cell phone caused him to only give Andrew a thankful nod as he pulled it from the clip on his belt and answered, "Hello?…Walt….yeah, I saw it too…"

Andrew watched sadly as his friend walked out of the kitchen. He had a feeling what this call could entail and he said a silent prayer for both Paul and Alex. The agency was a big part of Paul’s life and though Andrew was certain that Paul no longer saw it as the biggest part of his life, it would still be a hard blow to lose his job over something he had been unable to change, just because people were pissed off. The ones they should be angry with were the ones who had done the bombing, not the man who would have given his life to stop it had he been able to.

It was only minutes later that Paul returned to the kitchen and the angel could clearly see the conflicting emotions on his face as he waited for his friend to speak.

Paul ran a hand through his hair, trying to decide where to begin, "Well, the news is not entirely bad. I’m still employed, but I do get the benefit of a little unpaid vacation for awhile."

"They fucking suspended you?"

It was Alex’s voice that caused them both to turn around and Paul took a step closer to her, "Alex, it’s all right…"

"What the hell did Rob write?" She demanded as she picked the paper, her hands trembling with anger, "There was nothing you could have done to stop it! What the fuck does Walter want from you? Blood?"

"Baby, calm down," Paul placed his hands on her shoulders, feeling the way she was trembling with fury, "Let me explain what happened. Walt didn’t want to do it, but the city is demanding he do something. Rob has already set up a follow up interview with Walt and that will help smooth things over, but the best thing right now is for me to not be here."

"Here?" Andrew frowned, unsure of what Paul meant entirely.

Pulling Alex close, he sighed heavily, "Damn it, Andrew, I don’t even want to ask this of you but…by morning our front lawn is going to be crawling with reporters and they aren’t going to go away anytime soon. Walter is holding a private plane at the local airport for us. I can fly us to the farm and would like you and Monica to come along as well. I know it’s asking a lot to move her…hell, she just fucking got here today and you can stay here if you want to," He shook his head, hating the situation, "but you won’t have much peace, I’m afraid." He looked at his friend regretfully, and was surprised to see compassion in Andrew’s eyes.

"It’s fine, Paul and of course we’ll come. Monica will be fine. I assume we’ll be leaving soon?" Seeing Paul nod his head, he continued, "I’ll help her to get ready."

As Andrew left the kitchen, Alex wrapped her arms around her husband’s neck and pulled him closer, "I’m so sorry about this, Paul."

Pulling away to gaze into her eyes, he smiled, "Alex, I’m fine. Actually this was a lot better than I expected as I had prepared myself to lose my job, but Walter knows we didn’t have enough to go on. Besides, in all honesty, I’m rather looking forward to it. You’ll be off until your ribs completely heal and I’m rather looking forward to spending the time at the farm…with you."

Tears welled up in her eyes as she smiled, "Really?"

"Of course, really. We work too damn much anyway and I wouldn’t want to be going to work with you at home. Walter only suspended me until you are well enough to go back, so it works out perfectly," He grinned at her, "I couldn’t be more pleased with this break."

She kissed him gently and then pressed her forehead to his, "I do love you, Gatlin."

"I love you too, sweetheart," He replied, amazed by how light his heart suddenly felt, despite what had just happened in his professional life. But Monica had been right. God and family came first and he knew that God was always with him. He had righted the problems between himself and Alex as well as those he had with Andrew and Monica and now everything that truly mattered to him felt perfect.

Chapter 13

"What happened to not letting me out of bed for the foreseeable future?" Monica teased as Andrew walked back and forth from dresser to bed packing the things that had appeared there since their arrival.

"Monica…" his voice sounded very weary.

"I’m sorry. I was just trying to make you smile."

"I know, baby. I guess I’m a little more upset about all this than I thought. Everything that has already happened because of this attack has been more than enough. Now we’re forced to leave the city because one of our best friends is being blamed. Strange that not two hours ago I was mad at him myself, but that was different." He shook his head. "Now he has people he doesn’t even know accusing him of everything but pushing the button that brought the buildings down."

"It isn’t fair, but you know how people can be. It’s hard for them to be angry without having something to direct that anger at."

Andrew paused and stroked the side of her face, cupping it in his palm. "You sound like Paul. Resigned."

"Paul knows how this kind of thing goes, much better than we do. You said that he didn’t seem that upset, and I’m going to use his feelings as a guide for mine."

"Probably a good idea."

The little angel reached up and held tight to Andrew’s hand. "In fact, I think that this little break will do he and Alex a lot of good. They have everything out in the open now, but a little one on one time never hurts."

Andrew smirked and Monica looked up at him and quirked her eyebrows in question.

"Nothing… it’s nothing," he answered. "Just that I think one on one time won’t be a problem for them…"

"Andrew!" Monica slapped at his arm in mock indignation.

"I’m sorry! I couldn’t help what I heard!"

Her eyes turned large and round. "You heard them?" she exclaimed.

"Not exactly. But let’s just say that I hope the walls at the farm are a bit thicker than here."

Monica giggled and then pulled Andrew down for a kiss. "Yes," she murmured against his ear a moment later. "Being apart from you is hard enough without constant reminders."

The angel of death pulled back and saw the sultry glint in his wife’s eye and let out a low laugh. "Yes. You have a point there. Then again, once you’re feeling better I have a feeling that they are the ones who will be longing for sound-proofing." There was a playful glint in his eyes, and it sent a shiver straight up Monica’s spine.

*****

The first week at the farm was actually harder than Paul thought it would be. Far from feeling relaxed and removed from everything that was happening in the city, his desire to know everything that was happening was stronger than ever. Alex practically had to pry him away from MSNBC and the rest of the cable news channels, and he had an email chain going with Walter that was up to ten replies by the end of the second day. He was very careful not to neglect Alex, but he couldn’t seem to stop the constant stream of thoughts that ran through his mind; thoughts about the bombings and about what was going to happen next.

With Monica confined to bed most of the time, and still sleeping a good bit due to painkillers and her body’s natural healing instincts, that left one less distraction for the older agent; actually, two less, since Andrew rarely left his wife’s side. If she and Paul hadn’t already talked, Alex would have driven herself deeper and deeper into depression, but instead she recognized Paul’s behavior for what it was: guilt. He couldn’t disengage because he couldn’t stop looking for some tiny bit of evidence that would prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that there was nothing he could have done to stop the bombers.

By the fourth day, however, she had had enough. Ten o’clock rolled around and Paul was in his usual place in front of the television. He had eaten dinner with Alex and the two angels, but an invitation to run out for ice-cream had been met with a ‘not in the mood’, and he had kissed Alex, thanked her for making the dinner, and retreated to the family room.

Alex stood in the doorway and looked at him hunched forward, simultaneously listening to the commentators and reading the constantly streaming news-ticker at the bottom of he screen. She herself hated those things. She always seemed to start reading right at the end of an interesting blurb, and never found out what it was really about. She walked into the room and sat down on the sofa, took the remote from his hands and turned the television off.

"Hey! Alex…" Paul exclaimed, but his words were cut off when he turned and faced his wife, looking at her with entirely new eyes.

She was dressed in a nightgown that was hardly meant for sleeping. Entirely fashioned of soft, delicate lace, it left absolutely nothing to the imagination. At the moment it was covering everything vital, but one move and the lace could shift and reveal what was so thinly veiled.

"Haven’t you watched enough tv for one day?" she asked, her voice low and even.

Paul didn’t waste any time leaning forward and capturing her mouth with his. "Definitely," he whispered after leaving her breathless and trailing kisses to her ear.

"Wait… wait…" Alex tried to catch her breath and gently pushed him away. He looked at her questioningly, not quite sure of what she wanted. "We need to talk first," she said after another moment.

"Talk?" his mouth tilted into a slightly smarmy grin. "Those aren’t talking clothes you’re wearing…"

"I know. But you know what they say… sex always catches a person’s attention."

Paul rolled his eyes as he stifled a laugh. When he looked into her face, however, the laughter fled and his expression turned serious. "Alex?"

"No… this doesn’t have anything to do with us. This is all about you."

"Me? Alex…" he warned, already knowing where this was heading.

"You might as well drop that tone right now, because it doesn’t scare me one bit. We both know that I can take you… easily," she ended with a smirk.

"Fine. Let me have it."

"Let you have it? Paul, I’m not mad at you. What you’re doing… the way you’re feeling… I understand. But you’re hurting yourself with all this Monday morning quarterbacking. Don’t let what other people are saying affect what you know in your heart. There was nothing you could have done, Paul. Nothing. I wish that there was some way to prove that. I wish that some analyst would pop up on the news and announce that there was absolutely no way for you or anyone else in the Bureau to have prevented what happened, but I think we both know that isn’t going to happen. Every time someone says that, you know that there will be another expert out there to refute it. That’s how it works. That’s what keeps people watching at the debate rolling. But you don’t need an expert to tell you what you already know, and eventually people will come to realize the truth."

Paul had been listening intently, his face growing sadder with every word. "But what if there was something? What if I could have done…"

"There wasn’t." She reached out and grabbed both his hands in hers. "Sometimes things just happen. Remember? I think you told me that Monica told you that. If you can’t believe me, maybe you can believe an angel."

Paul let out a breath he hadn’t even realized he had been holding, and he raised one hand to swipe at the tear that had leaked from Alex’s eye. "No. I believe you, baby. Always have. Always will." He pulled her closer and wrapped his arms around her. "I’m sorry I’ve been locking myself away in here."

"It’s okay. I knew what it was all about, and it isn’t like you were neglecting me," she continued with a sly grin. "You always came to bed… eventually."

Paul chuckled. "Well what do you say to retiring a little earlier tonight?"

Alex stood up, her gown flowing down and alternately hiding and revealing everything. A seductive glint was in her eye as she watched Paul’s reaction. "I thought you’d never ask."

She led the way back to their room and Paul was happy to follow behind, watching her hips sway suggestively as she walked. He was glad that she had insisted that they talk first, because if she had waited until afterwards he knew he would have simply agreed to anything she said without even listening. Heading straight for the bed, she let Paul take care of such mundane details as closing the door and dimming the lights.

He started to unbutton his shirt as he walked towards the bed, but she stopped him with a look and knelt on the edge of the bed to help him. Every inch of skin that she revealed she kissed and as she worked her way down his stomach he felt himself growing hard, already knowing exactly where she was heading. He groaned as he felt her deftly unbuttoning his pants and he couldn’t keep himself from tangling his fingers in her hair. She smiled against his stomach and slowly pulled his zipper down. She loved that she could reduce him to speechlessness so easily. It was a mutual talent she was happy to share.

Another minute and he let out another loud groan as he watched her lower her mouth onto him, taking him in and surrounding him with her hot mouth, tongue pressing against him, making him even harder. Her name was his mantra and he repeated it over and over again as she moved her head slowly, taking him a bit deeper each time and kneading the backs of his thighs at the same time. Watching her only brought him even closer to the edge. She was completely focused on her task but she opened her eyes when she sensed him looking down and winked at him as she took him all the way in.

It was more than he could take and he felt himself beginning to give way, but then gritted his teeth and managed, with some superhuman effort, to hold off. His hands in her hair pulled gently and she released him and let him draw her up until they were face to face. The love in his eyes said it all. He didn’t want completion without her. His mouth was at hers in an instant, hungrily demanding entrance as he pushed her back onto the bed. This time it was her turn to gasp and moan as he sucked at her nipples through the thin lace, making her beg him to take it off. She was arching into him, pushing herself against him, and still it wasn’t enough contact. She needed every barrier gone. She was about to start making dirty promises in exchange, but he relented and drew the nightgown over her head in one motion, tossing it far into he corner. He hardly wasted a breath before he was devouring her again and she had her knees drawn up as he nestled between them waiting for the signs that she was just as close to the edge as he was.

When he reached down to stroke through her wetness he knew it wouldn’t be much longer. Pushing one finger inside he found her already throbbing and ready and when he rubbed his thumb over her little nub her moans changed pitch, going higher, and he smiled against her breast. He knew her well. Only a heartbeat later and he had fully sheathed himself within her, drawing a breathless sigh from her that quickly turned to urging words as her hips moved against him.

He could feel her already beginning to tighten around him and he knew that as close as he was it wouldn’t be long for him either. She couldn’t believe how hard he felt within her, how perfect, how right. They had made love less than twenty-four hours ago, and it still felt like it had been forever. Reaching up, she pulled him down for a kiss, thrusting her tongue into his mouth in time to their rhythm. They were still kissing when they tumbled over the edge and caught one another’s screams in their mouths.

Their frenzied movements gradually slowed, but Paul continued to stroke her as they came down, rewarded when he felt her tighten around him again, more gently, and heard her quiet, shuddery sigh of completion.

"Damn," she murmured, as he finally rolled them over and settled her against his chest. "How do you always know exactly what to do?"

He chuckled low in his chest. "I wouldn’t say you’re any slouch in that department! But the answer is easy. I love you. You’re my wife and I know you better than anyone else. I know every sigh and every touch, and they are all part of a package that makes me feel like the luckiest man alive."

He kissed her gently and she swallowed around her emotion before countering, with a grin, "And you claim to be the strong, silent type!"

Chapter 14

"Anywhere you need to go, angel?" Andrew asked as he started the car outside of the doctor’s office. He couldn’t have been more pleased with his wife’s clean bill of health and he was considering lunch to celebrate.

She looked at him incredulously for a moment, then grinned, "No, just home….or rather, back to the farm."

"Sure? I was thinking maybe lunch. You must be hungry…" He moved to shift the car into Drive, but was stopped when she moved up beside of him and took his face into her hands. Her kiss was urgent and left little room for discussion.

"Starved…" Monica murmured, before kissing him hungrily once more, her hand running up inside the sleeve of his shirt as her tongue sought its entrance.

Andrew was breathless when he finally pulled away, feeling his body already responding to her, but he somehow managed to find his voice, "Home…definitely home…"

She laughed as she slid back over to her seat, keeping one hand on his leg as she rubbed softly, amused when he nearly groaned. He was driving as fast as was safe, but it still wasn’t quick enough for him. The need to make love to her was suddenly urgent after nearly seven weeks of not being able to. His heart was pounding loudly and he reached down to cover her hand with his own in an effort to calm his desires.

When they pulled into the driveway at the farm, their hands were trembling as they unbuckled their seatbelts and all but sprinted from the car, Andrew quickly taking her hand into his once more. He pulled out his key and tried to insert it into the lock, but the fact that his wife was standing on tiptoe to run her tongue over his ear was making it a rather difficult task. Finally finding the keyhole, he left the keys dangling as he turned to her for a moment and caught her mouth in a passionate kiss. Her hands were sliding up his chest as his own tangled in her hair and when they finally came up for air it was in a gasp.

"We need to move this inside…quickly," Andrew informed her, his voice husky with his desire for her. He reached for the knob, but before he could turn the key, the door opened, startling both of them.

"Alex?" The couple stated in unison.

"It sounded like you were having trouble with your key," She observed with a smile, "The lock can be rather temperamental."

"I thought you and Paul were shopping this afternoon," Monica was trying to sound casual and trying to keep from fidgeting, much to her husband’s silent amusement.

"We were on our way out. Paul just had to grab his wallet as he forgot it. We were thinking about grabbing lunch first. You two care to join us?"

"Not hungry."

"Already ate."

The answers came simultaneously as Monica and Andrew exchanged a glance.

Alex raised her eyebrows as she looked at her two friends, a slow grin creeping over her face, "You got a clean bill of health, huh?"
Monica’s deep blush told the agent all she needed to know as she called over her shoulder, "Paul, let’s go! We have things to do!" She could hear him clamoring around in the study and her voice dropped to a whisper, "We’ll be out of your hair in just a second. You two have fun." She winked as Paul came up behind her and placed his hands on her waist.

"Hi you two," He greeted them with a smile, "Care to join us for lunch?"

"As a matter of fact, they had lunch earlier," Alex explained, seeing the deer in the headlights looks of the two angels, "So, lets get a move on, Gatlin."

Andrew and Monica moved past them and managed to casually bid them good-bye, before Andrew shut the door behind them. A moment later, his wife had grabbed his hand and was all but yanking him down the hall.

"Angel," He laughed, willingly following her, "one would think there was a fire…"

"Oh, there’s a fire all right and it’s been burning for weeks," She informed him as she pulled him to the guest room and then pushed him towards the bed, "I need you to put it out," She added mischievously as he sat down and pulled her into his arms.

A moment later, she was straddling him as their lips came together once more, the kisses urgent and passionate, igniting their fire all over again. Andrew moved his hand to the back of her head, to deepen the kiss and felt her shudder against him. He could feel her fingers already unbuttoning his shirt and could soon feel her warm hands running over him and a moan escaped him as she moved down his body to lay kisses against his chest, the feel of her warm mouth nearly making him insane in his need for her.

They were both trembling with desire as the rest of the clothing was shed and Andrew gently rolled over to lay her against the comforter. "I love you so much, angel," he whispered, moving to kiss her again as his hand traveled down her body to her breast, kneading it gently in his hand, loving the low moans that escaped her. Though he knew that they were always connected, these intimate moments he cherished with his entire heart. Moments he could love her completely, with body and soul, heart and hands. He was never sure anymore of where he ended and she began and a physical union only solidified what was already in his heart.

He moved down to her hardened nipple and lapped at her with his tongue as she arched her back to bring herself closer to his questing mouth. He alternated between her breasts, sucking and fondling, feeling her hands in his hair and against his shoulders as sounds of pleasure continued to flow from her lips.

"Andrew…Andrew...please…I can’t wait…it’s been too long…" She was pleading, the long absence of his being able to make love to her making her need to feel him joined with her urgent.

It was all he could do to contain himself as he plunged into her, closing his eyes at the sound of her cry and the feel of her warmth surrounding him and before he moved again, he kissed her with a heat and a passion that nearly took her breath away.

"I love you," Monica uttered, tears of love and need in her dark, stormy eyes, "Only God could ever know how much," But the look only lasted a moment before her dark pools filled with fierce need and she began to move against him, urging him on. As he thrust into her, she wrapped her legs around him, pulling him in deeper and harder. Most of their lovemaking had been sweet and tender, but their built up desire this time was much more intense. They had a taste on their honeymoon of something so right and so perfect, and now they claimed it once more as something only they could share with body and heart.

Her cries filled the room as her husband drove her higher and higher, but then he suddenly stopped and a whimper of frustration escaped her. She opened her eyes and met his, the gaze she could remain lost in forever.

"You’re everything to me, Monica…everything…" He whispered, before he pushed into her harder still, his thrusts coming faster, until he felt the intense tightening of her around him, her fingers clutching his shoulders desperately as he was completed into her with a shudder and her whispered name on his lips.

They remained motionless for a moment as they caught their breath before the little angel pulled him down for a tender and loving kiss, before she whispered, "I missed you so much."

Gently and lovingly, he traced the outline of her face with his fingertips as if memorizing every inch of it as his eyes held her gaze. "I only have to be away from you for a moment to miss you, sweetheart," he told her softly, "And in those moments or days when you are not near me and I think about how much I love you…it takes my breath away, Monica."

Tears shone in her dark eyes as she felt emotion rising to her throat, "You’ve been my best friend for as long as I can remember…and now you’re my husband as well as my best friend. I don’t think I could be any happier, Andrew," Tears escaped as she smiled, "I have everything I could ever want. I’ve had it all since the night you told me you loved me."

"I will always love you, angel," Andrew moved to kiss away the tears that had fallen, "I don’t want you to doubt that…ever."

She caught his face in her hands once more, "Why would you ever think I would?"

He was quiet for a moment, his fingers brushing lightly through her bangs. "When you were in surgery and I was so angry with Paul…a part of my anger came from knowing that there would always be the chance that one day I could say or do something to hurt you." He shook his head ruefully, "I can’t even fathom it but on the same token, I’m not perfect and ever since McArthur, I’ve had problems with my temper. I’ve even taken anger out on you before like when you found Faith. I hurt you that day in the barn when I wanted you to tell me everything that happened the night you were raped." He noted the infinitesimal glimmer of pain in her eyes as he continued, "I hate myself when it happens, but I also have to accept that one day it could happen again."

"But I could just as easily hurt you," She countered softly, but he shook his head and a small chuckle emerged from him.

"I can’t even imagine it, angel, never intentionally," He added, remembering the nights she had been unable to allow him to sit with her while she slept. It had hurt him, but it had been beyond her control, "I just want you to always know that if it ever happens again, that my love for you never changes. Alex doubted that about Paul, but I don’t want you to ever doubt it about me."

"I never will," Monica whispered, kissing him softly once more, "And if it ever happens, I will always forgive you. There is nothing you could ever do, Andrew, which I could not forgive. That is how much I love you. Besides, every time, your anger comes out of your concern for me, so even when you are upset with me, I know it is because you love me."

Andrew smiled, his heart aching at his love for her, "With all that I am, angel," He stated softly before his lips found hers, gently seeking entrance to her soul. Her hand was warm against his face and he closed his eyes to cherish the moment with every fiber of his being. He never knew when one of them may be called away again and he was quickly learning to savor every moment of being in the little angel’s presence.

He kissed her deeply, tenderly and he felt her pressing herself closer to him, feeling her breasts up against his chest as he marveled at this perfect intimacy and closeness that they could share with no shame. Her body against his felt as natural as all those years of simply holding her hand had felt. His hand stroked her back and settled at the small of her back as his lips covered every inch of her face and he worked his way to her neck, hearing the soft sigh that escaped her as she moved her head to grant him access.

This time their lovemaking was slow and tender with gentle caresses and whispered words of love as they gave of themselves completely in surrender to each other. Andrew drew her hardened nipple into his mouth as his fingers stroked through her slick folds, loving the way she drew his head closer to her breast and arched her back in pleasure. His fingers stroked her slowly, as her need for release grew and by the time he had entered her, it took no more than a few strokes to send her tumbling and he smiled that the sweet sounds that emerged from her lips.

Andrew continued to move within her towards his own completion, but Monica stopped him and a moment later she was astride him, moving slowly, her strokes short and shallow to draw out his pleasure. He brought his hands to her hips to steady and guide her and when she finally took the length of him into herself a groan escaped him, even as Monica smiled in satisfaction. She closed her eyes, completely focused on his pleasure as she continued to move above him faster and harder, loving the feel of him within her body in complete unity.

Her eyes popped open a moment later as she felt his fingers against her sensitive nub and just as she cried out softly, she felt Andrew tense and fill her with all that he was. Content to keep him within her, Monica leaned down and kissed him gently, feeling as if she might cry at the look of fierce love in his green eyes. That look alone always stole her breath and reminded her that she belonged to him for all of eternity. It caused her heart to swell with so many powerful emotions that a breathless sob escaped her as she saw the understanding his eyes. He felt it too.

"So beautiful," Andrew whispered, his hands framing her face, only moving to swipe at the tear that fell, "My beautiful wife…I’ll never get tired of thinking of you that way, angel. It’s still the greatest gift I could ever imagine."

For a moment she was unable to speak, as she laid her head down on his chest and felt his hands running through her hair. She hated the separations from him, regardless of how much she loved being an angel. But sometimes she envied Alex and Paul and having a place to call home. Yes, heaven would always be Home and she loved it there in God’s presence, but being angels meant not having something to build and fill with love between the two of them. Where their friends could go their separate ways in the morning by exchanging "see you tonight" or "I’ll be back tomorrow" she and Andrew didn’t have such luxuries and the not knowing where or when they would meet up again caused an ache in her heart.

"Angel?" He had felt a trace of sadness emanating from her and his voice held concern.

"It’s nothing," Monica whispered, her voice trembling slightly, not even sure where this wave of sadness had come from, other than knowing that now that their work with Paul and Alex was done for now, that they would be moving on…and not necessarily together. "I just love you, that’s all…sometimes, so much it hurts, Andrew."

She felt his arms tighten around her and she closed her eyes, forcing the feelings from her heart. They had been so blessed. There was no need for her to want for more.

*****

Somehow, after lunch, Alex was able to slip away from her husband, under the pretense of needing a few "girl things". She grinned to herself, remembering how Paul had rolled his eyes in understanding, before agreeing to meet her at the grocery store in an hour. There were certain things that men always shied away from, and for that she was eternally grateful.

They were also oblivious when it came to some things and she chuckled softly to herself. They never questioned anything as long as sex was a "go" and when she would refuse, Paul would only sigh playfully and know that it was that time of the month. Funny how he never thought about the fact that he had not been refused in nearly five weeks and with the new understanding and closeness between them, there hadn’t been many nights where they had gone to bed for the sole purpose of sleeping.

Though Alex had tested positive with a home pregnancy test, she hadn’t been comfortable believing it, so she had made an appointment with her OBGYN in town for today, and her doctor had confirmed what the test had read. Her heart felt nearly full to bursting at the news and with the doctor’s estimate of how far along she was, she could place the conception on the afternoon that Paul had put all her fears to rest.

She had prayed for this constantly the last several weeks and God had given His answer. Now she just needed the right moment to fill Paul in on what only she and God knew. So now she was browsing the infant section of one of the specialty shops in town, smiling and feeling her heart flutter with each thing she picked up, trying to find the perfect gift to give to her husband as a way to share the news. Alex browsed through rattles, blankets and stuffed toys, before finally pausing at the sleepers. Not knowing yet of course, if their baby would be a boy or a girl, she picked up a soft yellow one and held it against her cheek before unfolding it and a tiny, happy sob escaped her at the little halo on the front and below that the words, "Daddy’s little angel." It felt perfect.

Alex then picked up a few other items that could pass as "girl things" and headed to the checkout with her purchases. Standing in the short line, she imagined the look on her husband’s face when he opened his gift. Confusion at first perhaps, then slow realization, before complete joy would set in. The image was enough to cause a pleasant shiver to run down her spine. He would then start his usual planning, starting with the details of the already under progress nursery and knowing Paul, going from there right to what college their child would attend.

Without even realizing it, her hand moved to rest against her flat stomach, and the thought of new life being contained within her nearly took her breath away. There would be a baby as a direct result of their love for each other and as she paid for the items and left the shop, walking out onto the sidewalk, she couldn’t help but feel that the sunlight on her face was the light of a brand new day.